Nice shit LL ... yeah it's short, but it's on point.
Peace
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Nice shit LL ... yeah it's short, but it's on point.
Peace
that verse was flames son keep it movin sonQuote:
Originally Posted by Luther Large
thanx ya'll any1 else?
lights cameras and action photographed the assassin
verbals overtake the world to get a 3rd of the rations
overdosage of anastetics, see ammo and paramedics
calastetics for cammos and special dimensions sections only at its best during damagin presence aswerin questions price expensive like pentions caressin the senses due to depression of detention and preventive detention selective sessions re elected defendants sentenced to spark up and start up the tension armed with projectile inventions sellin drugs at park benches
i know it's short but just give me a rating please like 1 through 10
...........i'd appreciate it(i'll probly add later)
peace
Yeah that's pretty hot, right there. The last few lines especially. I'd say 7/10
thanx man.........uppin
uppin?
any!?
reminded me of heavy mental, even though it was sohrt, it was really cool, peace. 7.5/10
thanx man any1 else can feed?
i got ya back man! it was tight as fuck! stay up 8/10
Peace king...this reminds me of one of those pieces where you ask yourself..."and you say all that to say what???"....vocab was ill, but what's the message. Sometimes a clutter of words such as this can loose feeling and sound like you are just babbling at the mouth...no disrespect, because I know what you're doing...but, "a man gaines nor expresses his knowledge through fancy wordings and 'evasive' phrases...but simple gestures."~Not knocking this or anything...it was a nice read, but think about that next time...try to put more heart and tone down on the mind a bit....Wun, Peace.
....oh yea, almost forgot....6/10, solid. 1ne.
thanx white
and rae i know what you mean man.........but what i was expressing was livin life in the hood and i was kinda comparing it with war and politics..........nah mean
but thanx for the replies tho
?????
it was good, mang... i give ya 7... would be a better read if it was constructed line for line instead of in a paragraph, but dont think im hatin...
Definitely has the feel of heavy mental. I'd say very creative and abstract, but at times awkward, for example what is a re elected defendant? Also, I find that when cats throw too many rhymes close together it sounds a bit strained, and instead of the writer injecting the rhyme with intended and very specific meaning, the words may digress from that precise meaning. But having said that, you come from the heart, and that is art. That's my bit. Peace.
^^ thanx alot my man i really appreciate the feedback its just sumthin i wanted to do at the time
when i said "re elected defendant" what i meant was catchin a case twice
like i said i was kind of comparring it with polotics....
a defendant is the person being accused in court and the term re elected means to be back in office
so what i was talkin about in that line was..............................basically goin back to court for the second time as a defendant
.....i really do appreciate ya'll leavin feedback though thanks
I see what you're saying. Post some more on this threat, bro. Keep it coming.
i dunno dog.. nice vocabulary and all.... but "structuring" your words into actual verses is 'half the battle'... like GI Joe.. lol... u kno.. jus looks like random rambles....... i even tryed readin it to a beat and i just got lost.... i dunno if your writing to backround music.. but if not.. u should.. might help.. no offense to yu.. cuz i see alotta potential in what yu posted... but yu need to not jus ramble off... and start tryin to iron out ur message some...
nevertheless... you still managed to come with some interesting words so... roll with that.. develope it into something better
aite.. peace
its all about the skills
From the systems prison to the freedom of streets/
i let it be known by talkin to jesus through my personal priest/
and emerge from the filth fully bathed and unscathed by the streets/
lethal evils i've managed kept my distance from a peaceful appearance/
hopefully i'll soon earn some respect for my perserverance/
protected with the usual guns and gaurded with knives/
i'm never unjustly although murder is a crucial part of my life/
i used to earn profit anyway possible keepin from broke/
while my mind was vined with coke seeds and weed smoke/
surrounded by poverty and my mind still seems to be rich/
but in the end that can't get me wealth so my body still sins/
it seems as if religion is outdated/
cuz the only laws and restrictions i followed i created/
Dominant gods and godesses oddysies promise garbage is farthest from who this artist is/
....this is a piece i'm working on and right now it is very scattered and not well put together yet but i'll be finished in a week or two....remember this is not really what it will look like when i'm done so b4 you diss it consider that........
but besides that do ya'll think i got somethin here?
any1
uppin
pencils and papers fataly turn to vapors and break up/
when conncected bout street credit to raise the stakes up/
i'm something like a made man hangin with kingpins/
i juke the federal placements and slang with a pen/
chillin in the basement spittin embracin my (written) favorites/
it's hard to remain tasteless when my breath traces a certain fragrance/
you got heaven and hell,the top and the bottom/
but there aint no in between cuz in between iz the bottom/i want it all
It don't make cents sellin dimes and 8balls to get a pretty penny
(deli) the point of the game is to gain fame through infamy
chemistry, blows ya mind kings symphony sing
pockets empty left 4 dead ill take whateva it bring
layed up (stuck) on my death bed but still knockin boots
we create chemistry in(side) the labaratory to clock loot
money is tight cuz i dont even have loose change
Insane in the brain plus there inner thoughts are foolish/
went against the grain with a tool they brought a pistol to shoot with/
Pick up the pen to tell the tale the page is spacious/
spit the verbal basis my face value is ageless/
end either shot or got us locked up in cages/
i'm gettin closer to heaven cuz my life is hellacious/
i (swear) i feel like sellin my soul to the devil to get my past back
but this direction is destiny and change can't be (touched black) (fucked with)
you dont want it with me my games tight/
step to this i toss up your wife in "broads" daylight/
Police report our names were engraved in scriptures
we draw pistols on all our victims with intentions to paint a picture
i clear the static in my cabbage
in a failed attempt to break the habbit
insane, i went against the grain....with an automatic
when he created it/
fuck it ive been deleted by suposed to be saviors/
dwellin in hell i puffed l's to help my mind clear/
and used grafitti on the bathroom walls to scratch down ideas/
plus it appears out in the streets the use of my linguistics is feared
fear of glocks and lead from peers who got deaded in capers this all in my head so i made it look better on paper
my pencils embraces many pages
and when the elders tryda tell me sumthin i yelled preach to sumbdy else/
cuz when i was truant from school i was out teachin myself/
i'm fed up with the bull cuz there aint shit on my plate/
life is filled with contridictions till i spit it on tape
i flaunted my skills to clock dollar bills
illin in the coke spot crushin up white wit custis and my cuzin
who beat a life sentence twice
when i bust skills midgets is duckin
Police report our names were engraved in scriptures
we draw pistols on all our victims with intentions to paint a picture
born the baddest i "i could rock a knot with just static" it's a bad habit
insane, i went against the grain packin an automatic
go against the grain with an automatic
ya'll tried to trace my steps but i erased'em (wit a pistol) (on tha dl)
exploded like propane with profane names helped to (but in a way also hurted to) mold my brain/
a thousand dollars astonished (astounded) the (my) foundin fathers/
while my friends slangin the basics/ aimin to get his cake up/
bakin there base while racin to get there papes up/
but i cant do no time cuz i'm already doin it/
i snatch the heart of an ace and club it to death/
fuckin with cocaine and conductin the soul train/
so i guess it's my turn to wake'em up from inside of there hell so i scratch the wall and wind up with chalkboard (stuck) under my fingernails
Yo you aint real u just run at the mouth why?/
the only heat u blast is when it's freezin outside/
ya'll need to give it up and quit fakin the funk/
just stop rappin only thing you spittin is dunce/
sendin a mixed message to youth fuckin there brains up/
the ignorances got'em callin all women bitches/
the message is wicked/
were all blessed with a vision/
but when that vision is blurred son the profession is twisted/
so wise up and dont blame shit on who the president is/
if u havent made an effort and tried to change the life of are kids/
i blast through the mass of scuffled unmuffled bastards
this be the hope for the future so do the math
i'm true to cash also true to the mass
but so many now is brainwashed bad so who to ask?
i walk the path and propose toasts holdin the hourglass
knowledge in raps is hidden i spit it right thru this mask
plus science has the vision for this system to fit my 3rd eye
My rep on the streets is hell son cuz i'm a fuckin demon/
known 4 rapin cuties when i leave'em spittin blood and semen/
guts leakin with a blast from the tech cuz i'm insane black/
last faggot to run his mouth got tied up to the train tracks/
spray the mac *chkka blow* i blow ya brains back/
front on this kid i hit ya dome with hollows/
known 4 takin more lifes than bitches who swallow
lethal since a seed my mother died when my father fucked her
pull out a pistol from my farmers gettin paid is my aim/
but as long as ive lived ive forbidden others to do the same/
sustain the familys matters and maintain health/
i'd be blessed to have a son and name him after myself/
hell this stress got me mad vexed (im) fed UP with the bull/
latley, there's too much shit on my plate see but not enuff food/
my pockets are thin son son of a bitch ive gone bankrupt/
forced to get a job while (im) tryin to escape the handcuffs/
this lands ruff 4 a prophet i try and find a way 2 stop it/
walkin the streets as the sound of change plagues my pockets/
time is money and money is time so we clock loot
and for the record everythin in this here post is just random shit i jott down nothin here is premeditated
Keep up the nice reads
i blast through the mass of scuffled unmuffled bastards
this be the hope for the future so do the math
i'm true to cash also true to the mass
but so many now is brainwashed bad so who to ask?
i walk the path and propose toasts holdin the hourglass
knowledge in raps is hidden i spit it right thru this mask
plus rythym has the vision for this system to fit my 3rd eye
rippin scriptures is listed the vision is from the birds eye
The scene is at the block we spread knowledge and build like tetris
sharks try to catch our vision with precision EYE burned ya retnas
villains free there fists and lay down pistols to get consensus
my mans caught up in the crippled abyss of debts and pensions
yall tryna get on top with dope beats but shitty lyrics and a lame chorus
i leave ya brain porous yall faggots otta be sprayed i cant believe ya'll act like gays and still get payed 4 it
for years yall been frontin now u'll be forced to stop it
it's time to make ya'll pay.....so gimme wats in ya pockets
i hail from a street were peaceful people be shunned
with a deagle beat'em illegal it's febel what evils done
born a free man on free land but still haunted by inner demons
born with a brain just got a fucked up cerebrum
Grab the tre pound i'm still fuckin with crimes/
i got lust for these diamonds so im bustin off mines/
off the chain plus i stuff the gun in ya eyes/
but *sun* i can't set(-tle) so it's a must that i rise/
i burned ya retnas
4 a pretty penny the point of the game is to gain fame through infamy
when i started this i just let it flow what ever words came to mind i jotted down and made an idea of it i'll finish it later but what ya'll think so far?
feed?????Quote:
Originally Posted by Luther Large
u gat a real nice flo and your choice of words are tight!, keep it up...soundz good so far.....look up my thread an tell me what u think
The coldest breeds oldest seed was holdin heat/
to stop the nosebleed i pro-cede and get a closer seat/
witness # 2's a dope phiene smokin leaf/
lickin shots at bomb droppers who packs a pistol benath his armor/
shit ya farmers, battles like this'll get your heart throbbin/
and blown off ya feet like front row seats at a rock concert/
Kids'll kill to start from the bottom and get ahead/
pull out a biscuit and blast it to crack noggin like a fuckin egg/
brothers born evil in a litter of two shit on you/
they wip out picks that'll stick pretty figures like glitter glue/
police report there names were engraved in scriptures/
they draw pistols on other kids with intentions to paint a picture/
we draw pistols and trace over victims faces
every inch that i grow i get closer to heaven/
just think that makes me the only mothafucka to ever shrink/
i was listening to gza's 4th chamber while doing this it gave me the urge
i aint done yet but i need feedback
so what ya'll think so far?????
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luther Large
any1 got comments for this paticular piece here???
feed???????
feed????????
The coldest breeds oldest seed was holdin heat/
to stop the nosebleed i pro-cede and get a closer seat/
witness # 2's a dope phiene smokin leaf/
lickin shots at bomb droppers who packs a pistol benath his armor/
shit ya farmers, battles like this'll get your heart throbbin/
and blown off ya feet like front row seats at a rock concert/
Kids'll kill to start from the bottom and get ahead/
pull out a biscuit and blast it to crack noggin like a fuckin egg/
brothers born evil in a litter of two shit on you/
they wip out picks that'll stick pretty figures like glitter glue/
police report there names were engraved in scriptures/
they draw pistols on other kids with intentions to paint a picture/
^^^FEED??????....pleez
Always 1 step ahead I gain knowledge as i grow older
still to kill two birds with one stone i throw boulders
i told ya if aint got heat we give it the cold shoulder
shit is real my team got arms and hammers to bake'em like soda
fightin me dont make sense cuz ya wont gain profit
actually it makes a little cents just wont make dollars
step on my toes b4 i get 1 foot in the door
(this is just sum random shit im puttin down so i dont 4get)
Yo this prodigy study god degrees to flee from the sun
buildin up prophecies on why all my peoples phiene 4 a crumb
swords'll cease you like mideval it's feeble what evils done
and amigo i hold a deagle for weasels who wanna front
son the best of this stress gets me vexed (im) fed UP with the bull
cuz theres too much shit on my plate see and not enuff food
alot of mc's just run they mouths till they get stopped in there tracks
nice verses, you got a good flow..
check my thread if you got time
yeah ill check ur thread in a little bit
this just sum short ruff draft shit i dont wanna 4get so dont mind it
I sold my soul to Satan but I'm payin the price
fuck prayin I swear 2 God I feel like takin his life
Ayo time is money and money is time thats why he "clocks" loot
his alarm went off
nothin to lose they hit the snooze and ran up in his room while knockin boots
butt-naked and barefoot not ready to be interagated
always 1 to think aHEAD until the day he gets decapatated
yo this prodigy study god degrees to flee from the sun
buildin prophecies on why all my peoples phiene 4 a crumb
swords'll cease you like medieval it's feeble what evils done
it got amigos holdin deagles 4 weasles who roll with diesle guns
so
sleep on me and u wont wake up
I sold my soul to satan, but i'm payin the price
this shit is hard i swear to god i feel like takin ur life
it aint right i smoke sess just to cope with the stress
aim for the viens my heart beats i grab ahold of my chest
I took a damn loss laid up in a church with my hands crossed
stressed outta his mind he got his brains blown out
stressed out prayin to sumbody, aint god though
breathin i believe in the demons who wanna take my soul
i'll be the 1st of my mothers children who amounts to sumthin
move like a snake in the grass
pain in the ass
i shoot the breez circlelin cyphers snipers hit wit precison from twin towers identical smiths blast the cylinder spins on lions whov been cowards
sick syllables spit like the six cylinder spinnin
ya snooze ya lose...ya mothafuckin life
Buckin again son, we droppin a gem livin in sin
witness this rebirth when i fuck with the pen
we at again, bottom line i rob my friends to pay rent
but i refuse to drop a dime cuz i save every cent
time is money , money is time well...ya times up
make sure i rob u blind wont see my face in the lineups
these streets is depleted i a heater
irellevant sell shit makin money in every element
ahead of the feds peddelin i settle 4 mainly benjamins
son i'm tellin u 100's my range
it's all about the money and aint none of this change
pull out a heater from my farmer jeans and aim to get paid
raidin the scene 4 green while u get shot in ya face
and when i get to hell..........i'll probly rob the place
this is my verse on a collab with this kid im doin to gangstarrs all 4 the cash beat
it's far from finished this is just a ruff draft imma change a few things up
but tell me what u think so far..........feed??
not bad man, i liked a few of your lines
"irellevant sell shit makin money in every element"
keep it up; id like to see it finished
son i swear 2 god u think ya hard untill i tear u apart
u talk a good 1 but in the end u dont know where 2 start
perfected the art of arson, i dont speak with my father
drop a bomb on the atlantic I blow'em outta the water
fire starter, still with the heat while u sit in the stands
and i can smell the fear probly cuz u shitted ya pants
spit in my hands,sweet dreams seems u slept on a genius
ya average rapper wanna hate me cuz im better than he is
it's true we the top 2 lyricists all in the biz
ya'll fake rappers aint lickin shots if u swallowed my jizz
enter this chamber and the game'll be leavin you here
u got need 2 fear cuz breeze be the reason 4 prayer
now ayo david b4 u hop on this joint
be sure to stab the pad with a pen so we stay on point
my team thru u an L but u kept it a secret
kept it a secret ready 2 toast breakin bread to get figures
sellin dimes we small time but the rep only gets bigger
"give u a run for ya money"