Not really a rapper (peep)

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We are compose of magnetic aura & genetic code/ Walk the road & enter my deferential abode exercise the right and truth manifested we are told, each way of life has its own religious creed/ the prophecy of the lost children of Israel existing with the holy city of Dimona & Tel Aviv

decent, i like the last line with israel and tel aviv

and dont expect much feedback from anyone else lol, people here seem to largely comment on peoples rhymes who they know, which is fair enough, i have had some good feedback

i was fucking around i actually want to give any exact location because i believe tel aviv is like west of israel.....thanks man

how come you not a Vet yet?

you need to be a member for atleast 500 posts i think and 2 years

The core of corruption has a powerful force that throws out seduction, baby kids being abducted, and the thugs who say fuck it.
Its madness how they thought it its even crazier what we got to do to stop it.
If you got to take a shit you better not drop it or else that’s when these killers will creep in your house and throw you in for murder.
Dam cops are the best herders putting kids in jail so young they still eat Gerber and shitting there draws.
As I sit there with a pause cause I see no empty halls and some shit in the toilet stall.

why are you in my thread posting your rhymes

Interesting work so far.
Your vocabulary wingspan is wide within your rhymes, however....
If I had to be picky I'd say work on the layout of how you type your lines
At times it's hard to follow, at times it's too complex too digest
Also I'd say try to come with something completly different from what I have quoted below.
Once you've done this you can find some middle ground so to speak.
And you'll be better off for it in my opinion.
You remind me of someone who has the raw talent but just needs some guidance.
What you have is dope, but it could be so much more with some fine tunning.
Hope that doesn't come across as condersending but thats my view.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fatal Guillotine

Examine the spiritualistic wisdom within my writtens/
the theory of Utnafishtim trace bak to the first human beings of the Adamite peo-ple, whose sons were of the 3 elohs/ the density of polarization of something scared within the nature of ionzation/
deepening my 7 chakras thru strenous mental calisthenics and meditation/
3 monotheistic religions, separate within there belief system, yet acknowledging Satans' assiduous existence/ the mark of the beast, all documented in the Bible with one sentence/
Chemtrails in the air, Trilateral Commission, The Illuminati isnt no more than a pseudoynm of a fraternity rooted Satanism-Luciferianism, the love for the pentagram, the lust for the Baphomet---its all debauchery/2010 a new year exist with new technology/
these are words from the wise, the eloheim el kuluwn, the pleidians and the annunaki/ research, analyze and elevate and awaken and yourself will be define/
Question why do people point up when mentioning heaven & down when discussing hell, howver never associating it with the mind of a prefernce as to how we feel/Cocked Ace-duce is my navy fedora reading the Torah, spiritually minded told to READ like verse 91:6 of the Surah concerning the story of the Prophet Muhammad and the Cherubim Jibriel

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This is sickness, the underlined parts are flames, great read.
If your interested in doing a collabo just gives us a shout.

Peace.

Yeah your shit is tight but like whers said you gotta have it in a format. Also be easy with all the big words going back to back. I love usin actual vocabulary in my rhymes too but usin too much in one bar will throw the flow off. By havin the verse flow right it makes the words jump out the page and hit hard, which gets your point across better. But like you said you just fuckin around so on that basis you got some good work. keep up. peace.

yo he grips the globe with his hands he got destruction right in the pocket of his pants.
when destruction comes we will all scatter like ants as he sets traps and peolple die like rats we wont be able to do shit with gats or our societies stats this is were it all goes into wack nomore being fresh like tic tacs

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fatal Guillotine

why are you in my thread posting your rhymes

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who me?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by whers

Interesting work so far.
Your vocabulary wingspan is wide within your rhymes, however....
If I had to be picky I'd say work on the layout of how you type your lines
At times it's hard to follow, at times it's too complex too digest
Also I'd say try to come with something completly different from what I have quoted below.
Once you've done this you can find some middle ground so to speak.
And you'll be better off for it in my opinion.
You remind me of someone who has the raw talent but just needs some guidance.
What you have is dope, but it could be so much more with some fine tunning.
Hope that doesn't come across as condersending but thats my view.



This is sickness, the underlined parts are flames, great read.
If your interested in doing a collabo just gives us a shout.

Peace.

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if i ever decide to collabo i'll let you know

the second part you underline actually came from a convo i was having with some friends of mine.

believe me i feel you when you say it needs fine tuning i dont know why but i always feel like im missing something-----i dont know if it more bars (longer or shorter bars) or what

thanks though

Quote:

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Originally Posted by adedwutang

Yeah your shit is tight but like whers said you gotta have it in a format. Also be easy with all the big words going back to back. I love usin actual vocabulary in my rhymes too but usin too much in one bar will throw the flow off. By havin the verse flow right it makes the words jump out the page and hit hard, which gets your point across better. But like you said you just fuckin around so on that basis you got some good work. keep up. peace.

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thanks fam