Originally Posted by
ThaShaolinAssassin
and then it said, lets fuck iraq up, and australia tagged along.
basically it works like this
the world, is like school
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SHAOLINASSASSIN
NOTE: this actually didn't take as long as you think, although i lost my point somewhere in between getting carried away, and shitlol)
in middle school you know, europe was the crowd of cool kids. they got all the money, all the girls wanted to play spin the bottle with them, whatever whatever.
then britains scrawy cousin America moved to town, and you know, he's kinda quiet don't really do much, and britains kinda showin him the ropes and makes him a part of the crew.
you they're going to the skating rink with all the other fly kids right, germany the eric cartmaneque asshole that everyone thinks is an an asshole but you've known him for so long that he's crew, France, the sluttly stuck up skeeza that everyones tryin to poke, Spain, the latin kid that acts white as hell mainly cause he grew up with the crew, and all the other western european countries that just are there too be cool.
they're kickin it right, then America starts getting familiar and comfortable, and making it's own friends. Britian, the flyest nigga on campus, ain't having this. You can't be bringing mexico to the fuckin cool kids table america, your making us look bad.
He also starts getting jealous of America cause america looks better then him and all the hoes that used to pass notes to him are passing notes to america instead.
So flag football session comes up, and america wants to be the QB, not knowing this spot is reserved for britain, the cool kid.
america, of pure talent, gets the spot, Britain get's really pissed, and they start scrapping, America eats his ass(figurative) infront of everyone.
people are looking at Britian like, come on homie, you just got got, you ain't the flyest nig no more.
America is his own man now, he ain't gonna dress all preppy to fit in with britains crowd no more, he's gonna sag a little and smoke a blunt.
France, decides that she can finally be herself now and hang out with who she want's to to hang out with and be original without worrying about getting mad fun off(french revolution). So she goes waaaaaayyyy overr board.
This bitch got a purple pink orange weave, 4 skirts on, miss match shoes, and it doesn't work out. So everyones clowning this dumb bitch that's trying to be original like america and couldn't pull it off. So France's older cousin from the shelter comes down and beats spain's, belgiums, and germany's asses(napoleon) for making fun on her.
Anyways, they're getting older now, and America's starting to get prettier and prettier, but doesn't involve himself with the drama filled "in" crowd.
He sticks to himself and worry's only about his paper route money, and his bitches.
and boy is he getting bitches, infact he finally gets more pussy then Britian, and he's just hit puberty(industrial revolution).
Britian, who hit puberty first, isn't look so fly no more but he's still the man cause it's the status quo. He's still hittin more skins then the whole crew not counting America.
anyways, fastforward to early highschool.
everyone's doing good, America's still chillin, Britains the man, Germany's still a dick, so on so on.
One day Germany and the wierd guy that kinda in the crew and kinda not, Russia, get in a fit fight, and everyone takes sides. It was over a girl, but still tensions been boiling and everyone takes sides. Germany's pissed cause on ones on his side, and when the fist fight breaks out nobody jumps in for him. (WWI)
This is cause prior to that he was talking mmmaaadd shit about france britian all the other nigs cause they ain't supportin him.
That single fist fight breaks into a series of fights, and people rally against Germany. But germany's a scrappy nigga, he's fuckin em up right and left, and it looks like it's not gonna end.
Germany finally hit britian, and fuck it America see this and is like man, that's my fucking older cousin B, i don't care what we got against eachother, that blood my nigga.
So America Britian france, italy, russia and all the other niggas jump germany for hitting Germany.
Germany's tough as fuck and he's holding his own in the fight. This is helped by the fact that Russia out of nowhere just runs off while they're scrapping.
nevertheless germany get's fucked up and runs off.
America's like alright, the fights over, lets all just chill. Britian and France are like man FUCK that my nigga, this germany faggots gonna pay.
Germany left his car behind, his claim to sophmore year fam, and Britain and France being white smash his car windows, key that shit up, steal his stereo player, whatever whatever.
Germany comes back, he's fucked up, he can hardly talk cause his jaws fucked up, he's on probation cause of the fight and he's the only one that got the blame, he ain't got no car, grades are slippin, bitches think he's weak, he thinks he's weak, he's not crew anymore.
So he's like mmaaannn fuck that, im germany nigga, in the 2 time state wrestling champion, i look good, smell good, can dance all night long WOO!! You know what, im better then these fuckin niggas,thats why they hate, cause im the MASTER STUDENT.
So Germany just gets cocky as fuck right, he's gonna get his revenge.
He break probation and starts poppin stereoids, working out EVERY FUCKING DAY, until he's fuckin SWOLLEN.
the roids got him all aggressive and shit, so he's just punching all the jew kids at school cause he needed someone to look down on so he can feel better about himself.
He's throwing milk at them, pushing them down stairs, making fun of them, pulling skirts off, hitting them for no reason, taking their lunch money.
and everyones like, fuck man, Germanys at it again, fuck ass nigga.
well since Germany's becoming the new alpha male in this bitch, he starts getting all the pussy, plus he joins the aryan nation. He gets a hook up from his aryan nation brothers with a good ass job and in no time he's fixing his car back up. But that faggot britain slut bitch france, and ugly fuck russia are gonna pay for the damages to my fucking car.
Italy meanwhile, he was the SHIT in elementary(roman times) all the girls were giving him their milk.
but after that he was kind of a nobody, and was thinkin, man i need to step it up, im a sophomore and im still a virgin, i can't scrap a lick, i ain't got no car. So he starts working out with Germany cause they go back, infact he's the one that introduced Germany to poppin steroids(facism)
Japan, well, back in the day he couldn't even speak english, so nobody paid him any attention. But after puberty he was fucking dedicated to learn how to be less of a foriegner, he joins all the sports, gets good grades, gets a fly ass car and became the token asian of the crew.
but starts talking about how he wants to fuck that big titty asain bitch China at the lunch table and all the other kids, britian, russia, and them laugh at him and start making fun of her asian heritage, cause they look down on ethnic chicks.
Japan takes it person, and walks away from the table ( pulls out of league of nations) he's sick of being the token asian and all the under the table asain jokes flying around.
FUCK THAT
so he starts hanging out with the new cool kids, beefy ass Italy and Germany and says, ima be like them niggas and ima get allll the asian bitches. Starts working out with them, poppin roids, and get's enough confidence to start hitting on girls.
but china turns him down, so he straight rapes her after homecoming cause of roid rage. Everyone hears about it as a rumor, but don't know if it's true. Germany thinks it's funny as fuck and tells Japan about when he raped a jew, and Italy slips roofies in Ethiopia, the big booty black chicks, drink.
anyways Germany, Italy and Japan are just wildin out, but everyones too scared to F with them. Poland is walking by Germany one day and Germany's pounding some jewish kids head into a locker. He glances at Germany the wrong way, and Germany catches him afterschool and makes him like spit off the side walk after kicking his ass.
France hears about it, and starts yelling at Germany and he straight punches the FUCK out of her.
Japan beats China cause she said she'll tell.
Italy's bragging out bonin Ethiopia.
Britians a good guy, so he's like man FUCK that after his home girl France got punch by a beefy asshole.
Britian confronts Germany and Germany punches the hot-FUCK out of Britian. infact everyday for a week he would just kick britians ass.
Russia and Germany are kinda cool, they're both into cars, and since ppl are taking sides again they decided they cool.
But Germany knows the motherfucker the stole the stereo what Russia and it's all his fault that shit happened to begin with. He's the real enemy.
and Russia knows Germany ain't down with him, so he knows he's gotta strike first, plus Russia picks on Poland, but Poland is russia little bitch, not germanys.
So Russias at a party one day, and Germany's there too. They talk and everythings cool but out of nowhere germany breaks a bottle over his face, and starts pounding the fuck out of him. What Germany didn't know is that Russia's got endurance like a motherfucker, germany was stronger but that faggot russia just kept getting up, and coming back after him everyday.
So America's like...what the fuck.
China tells Russia and America about the Japan incident. And America makes some comments about it cause that's fucked up. Japan hears about this, so one day japan drives by america while he's going to buy a bagle and throws a fucking rock at his head. (pearl harbor)
They drive off(germany's the driver), and America's in the fight now.
So America starts studying Chuck Norris tapes, beefin up, poppin roids, until he's fucking SWWWWWWOOLLEEEN as hell.
One of his arms was bigger then britians thighs at this point(americas rapid industrial, military build up during war-it went from depression to half the worlds industrial output fast.)
America catches that faggot Japan at an asian party and starts pounding the FUCK out of him, everyones suprised cause America and fucking scrap. He's punting his head like a fucking football, stomping on his balls, everything.
Japan calls up Italy and America calls up britian. And they pound italys hair faggot ass into the pavement. So Both of them are pumped and alchol and adrenaline and they gonna avenge france's being hit by germany.
Germanys at another fight, still against russia and is beating the fuck out of russia.
Britian jumps in, America jumps in and its 3 on 1 beating the sweet shit out of Germany finally, the strip the some of a bitch naked and split his clothes(which are fresh as hell). Germany, naked, bloody and alone runs way in defeat.
AGAIN leaving his car, Russia runs in and starts stealing shit.
America want's some of that shit too, he's got a great job, shit loads of money, and nice everything, cloths that he kept in the trunk, subs, cds, America and Russia just dive in.
meanwhile japan comes back to fight that same night and has a bat. America had found a gun in germany's trunk, picks it up and bucks 2 shoots at the nigga BLOAW BLOAW.
they graze him luckily, and he goes to the hospital, but won't snitch cause america visited him at the hospital and they had a long talk so america is good to go.
Germany's FUCKED up. all his clothes his car parts, everything, gone, his gun even.
Everyone gets in trouble for the violence at school except America, who did it off school time and grounds, and russia for self defense.
So they're all in special classes to help them get along(UN).
meanwhile, Russia sees America, whom tell you the truth, he never liked got a gun now. Russia, being russian, fuckin loves guns and sees the respect America's got on the streets for bucking shots at japan.
Russia starts dealing drugs and buys a bigger gun.
America doesn't trust Russia and wants to remain the bigga nigga, so he buys and even bigger gun
and the guns get bigger
and bigger
and bigger,
till they both got pipe bombs big enough to blow the fucking school up.
Russia drops out and is focused on the streets, americas on the streets but is focused on school.
All the european countries meanwhile turn cold pussy cause they know Americas got a whooolleee lots street niggas on his side, as does russia, they both got thousands of guns and if a fight broke out there gonna be a fuckin bloodbath.
America tells russia and his crew they can't come to the school anymore cause they're fucking hooligans.
Russias like aite then fuck nigga, i don't wanna see you in my block no more fuck hoe.
anyways, Russia's selling weed to Cuba this whole time after school and one day America sees him.
America grabs 2 fat ass glocks and heads up to russias car on some
"Aiyo the fuck you doin here homie"
Russia's like "Im eatin nigga, fuck you want do kid?!"
"fuck I wan do?!"
"Yeah nigga, fuck you wan do?!"
Russia didn't come with the strap and sees america reaching, so he's like man.....FUCK you America and drives off.
Cuban, whom didn't get his dro says fuck america too and heads off.
So Russia's dealin drugs, and America is too just to compete, and they've got streets carved in half.
Russia, being out of school, and in with the wrong crowd looses him job, and ain't making money from dro like America, is, infact he's bought so much shit just to show off that he's flat ass broke and has to sell everything.
America takes over the streets full force now. Problem is...America don't know WHO he sold the guns and shit too, and since he's deep in the drug game now and runs blocks, he's got beef coming at him from everywhere.
Britian, France, all them hate the new america cause he's brolic, he's rich, he's a badddd mothafucka, he's got sluts coming in from different states, his clothes are custom made from head to toe, His shoes are worth more then Croatia's house, he's got more karats in his pinky rings britian has ever seen in his life, he's a fucking legend in the city ANY the school still see him as a good kick cause he's all-star football, basketball, perfect grades, volunteering and shit.
everyone knows he's dirty, but they really can't fuck with him.
Where talking about a guy that goes to school in stretch limos, drinks dom parrion champagne.
Europe goes into a pussy DROUGHT. ain't noooooooby trying to fuck any European with America around.
They're all graduated and washed up, while americas getting scholarship and is showing them what it's like to blow 2000 dollars and make 4000 in 66 minutes.
meanwhile, scared of how FUCKING REALLL the streets have gotten, European countries retreat into the emo/hardcore scene. While America stay gangsta.
Europes mad cause America's betting little niggas like eggs, but they got connections and money routes that Europe doesn't even know about to maintain.
it's allll about the money.
