i'll post it after i drop the new collabo i'm finishin' up: "Closet Full Of Bones"...Quote:
Originally Posted by oo2
PEACE FOR THE FEEBACK
PSY
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i'll post it after i drop the new collabo i'm finishin' up: "Closet Full Of Bones"...Quote:
Originally Posted by oo2
PEACE FOR THE FEEBACK
PSY
order by color: grey, red, white: Elusive Fugitive, Psykosus, Martyr
((\\::~ Closet Full Of Bones ~:://))
we’re wary of tears, we all got someone who died, carry ‘em here..don’t run from the lies, confront ‘em this timeyour scariest fears, we all got somethin’ to hide, bury it here...
the ground implodes, unholy crossroads where lucifer plundered,one hundred souls, pillaged victims from the entire foldof my family's unflowered members... the bell tolled, coldinsidious agendas of creatures, with vile features,wallowing in wanton transgression, this true story's a survivors confessionintravenous infection decimated a whole line of generational successionretched violation in hallowed halls of one hundred year old hauntings,taunting claws of vermin, flaunt the disfiguring germ of cursed men,torture inflicted under-garments of under aged and unsuspecting,a reptilian constrictor chokes the hearts hope of hope itself,erect involuntary emotional wall, neither to feel, nor see, nor recallthat horrific hour, sourest still the serpents smirk that seals this sinful silence,dream violent retribution, in padded rooms down corridors of correctional institutions,tattooed trail of tears mark each of the 10 seasons of torment,living lies, trans-parental eyes why I chose disguise of a blind fawn?a vengeful wolf spawned to storm mind castles,of the emotionally withdrawn
constant goals, from pots of gold and stonedropping souls, in lots of sullen flowspockets holding poems for closets full of bones
god I've drowned your cults of celibacy, who've carried the seeds of warlordsan' my house is full of skeleton keys, they’re buried beneath the floorboardsour lure to sin: this closet’s full of bones, now open the door with infatuationthe door’s within, his honest lull of poems ‘ve broken a core in imaginationculture’s given me an art, now I’ve seen stalin in his peak state of oppressionvultures pickin’ me apart, now I keep fallin’ in this deep state of depressionfaith in fictional characters, popes writin’ in strife of our theories of evolutionaimin’ whimsical derringers, ghosts fightin’ for life in the eeriest revolutionleft heathens strangled we slay our brother, and if we fail, we rape his motherso eden’s angels betrayed each other, and if we failed, we’ve made anotherdamn I’m dreamin’; they got control of my role, if a demon writes am I weak?man, I’m bleedin’; I’ve got a hole in my soul, and it’s leakin’ life as I speakstill this cat’s fervent, mastered the best skills and levitated your ouija boardsI kidnapped servants, after a fresh kill you're designated to squeegee floorsfrets with their fraud’s intelligence, elements taught, but your god’s irrelevantyet, with an awkward elegance, skeletons walk in their chalked malevolenceit’s gritty, half your city dispenses morphine, there’s more fiends here thoughif prettied, have no pity for pregnant whore-queens, she’s fourteen years oldand besides, mad demons were fuckin’ usin’ her, went ill with just the blameso she’d cried, stabbed jesus in front of lucifer then killed him just the samelynched ‘im with a hook in his back, morality drowns in acceptable ignorancelistened and just looked at the fact, mortality’s found in detestable inferencepriest’s a liar, low variety’s no one’s piety truth is, he swallows hallucinogensseed of fire, so society’s notoriety’s useless, we follow and loose ‘em in sinlies sustain innocence in spite of all the confusion, which is why I fight to feeltime decays vividness, if life is all an illusion I just tried to write what’s real
Immeasurable insight...intoxicating individuals, awareness reelsShed outer layers of pain to revealUntouched core from whence all wounds are healed
the eyes stuck on taste, they’re many buds that broke and come up tastelessdefine love and hate, sparing petty lust and loathing love of hatredas I lug the weight, barreling semi-trucks’ll load up from the basementand I’m from a place, where in everyone’s a ghost of someone famous
home’s breeding ground, for a torn future of named idols; drawing crowdsno leaving town, they’re storm troopers with aimed rifles; all aroundwon’t see it now; I’m a born loser till lame cycles; stall in rounddon’t believe a sound; as the sworn future has the same idols; falling down
In such dreadful deep oceans, of a pristine gravel and dirt roadblood vessels keep floating, with sixteen paddles my verse rowssome special cheat coding, of the Sistine Chapel has turned grossthe thug never needs devotion, to live clean as still the hurt grows
doves cry in pain; big ones fell ill; to fevers moaning loudersun shines away; wind gusts felt chill; to leaner, broken flowersgun violence play; thin blood cells spill; in liters flowing outwardslove tries to hate; kids puff Ls killed; the preacher’s doped with downers
we’re wary of tears, we all got someone who died, carry ‘em here..don’t run from the lies, confront ‘em this timeyour scariest fears, we all got somethin’ to hide, bury it here...
Copyright © 2005 Elusive-Fugitive, Psykosus The Soulless Survivalist, Martyr
i could really quote this piece but i'll pick some lines i like and build on them
wallowing in wanton transgression, this true story's a survivors confessionintravenous infection decimated a whole line of generational succession
i though this was sick had a nice flow to int and the word placement was hot
that horrific hour, sourest still the serpents smirk that seals this sinful silence,dream violent retribution, in padded rooms down corridors of correctional institutions
this has a real morbid feel to it gives me a good sense of the expression thats used here
culture’s given me an art, now I’ve seen stalin in his peak state of oppressionvultures pickin’ me apart, now I keep fallin’ in this deep state of depression
these two lines are dope as hell almost the flow almost flawlessly
still this cat’s fervent, mastered the best skills and levitated your ouija boardsI kidnapped servants, after a fresh kill you're designated to squeegee floorsfrets with their fraud’s intelligence, elements taught, but your god’s irrelevantyet, with an awkward elegance, skeletons walk in their chalked malevolence
this was dope as hell probably my favourite 4 lines on your piece flowed flawlessly and i loved the god irrelevant parts dope
home’s breeding ground, for a torn future of named idols; drawing crowds
no leaving town, they’re storm troopers with aimed rifles; all aroundwon’t see it now; I’m a born loser till lame cycles; stall in rounddon’t believe a sound; as the sworn future has the same idols; falling down
these fucking bars are crazy the flow rhyme scheme etc is discusting dope writing right here
gun violence play; thin blood cells spill; in liters flowing outwardslove tries to hate; kids puff Ls killed; the preacher’s doped with downers
peace a like these last two lines they;re flowing sick as fuck
overall this whole colab was discusting elusive looks like being a great writter and mar and psy you know my thought on your work
this shit is obserd don't sleep on this shit
ill, i learned more vocab in that then an entire year of high school so far
E.F.: I've never read anything of yours before, and I must say ... I've really been missing out. Reading your verse was like watching an historical documentary unfold. One that focuses on the amount relentless pain and suffering inflicted on a lost generation of children. Children who's screams have fallen upon the def ears of the very people who where responsible for protecting them. In my opinion, it was a very well written, gut wrenching verse. To you, I tip my hat ...
insidious agendas of creatures, with vile features,wallowing in wanton transgression, this true story's a survivors confessionintravenous infection decimated a whole line of generational successiontorture inflicted under-garments of under aged and unsuspecting,
a reptilian constrictor chokes the hearts hope of hope itself,erect involuntary emotional wall, neither to feel, nor see, nor recallthat horrific hour, sourest still the serpents smirk that seals this sinful silence,dream violent retribution, in padded rooms down corridors of correctional institutions,tattooed trail of tears mark each of the 10 seasons of torment,living lies, trans-parental eyes why I chose disguise of a blind fawn?a vengeful wolf spawned to storm mind castles,of the emotionally withdrawn
Psy: You have definitely brought your usual fire to the table. Your verse flowed like water rushing out of a broken dam ... powerfully spewing undeniable realism from start to finish. As always, I could quote your whole verse, but I'll just showcase a few of the lines that really stood out to me ...
god I've drowned your cults of celibacy, who've carried the seeds of warlordsan' my house is full of skeleton keys, they’re buried beneath the floorboards
faith in fictional characters, popes writin’ in strife of our theories of evolutionaimin’ whimsical derringers, ghosts fightin’ for life in the eeriest revolutionleft heathens strangled we slay our brother, and if we fail, we rape his motherso eden’s angels betrayed each other, and if we failed, we’ve made anotherdamn I’m dreamin’; they got control of my role, if a demon writes am I weak?man, I’m bleedin’; I’ve got a hole in my soul, and it’s leakin’ life as I speak
frets with their fraud’s intelligence, elements taught, but your god’s irrelevantyet, with an awkward elegance, skeletons walk in their chalked malevolencepriest’s a liar, low variety’s no one’s piety truth is, he swallows hallucinogensseed of fire, so society’s notoriety’s useless, we follow and loose ‘em in sinlies sustain innocence in spite of all the confusion, which is why I fight to feeltime decays vividness, if life is all an illusion I just tried to write what’s real
Your words were very haunting as they echoed in my mind, effortlessly pointing out the many flaws contained within us all. It's saddening how most of us allow ourselves to turn a blind eye to all that is going on around us, being foolishly led by momentary impulses. The amount of imagery and detail in this verse is completely amazing, but what I liked most about it was the way that it related to the majority in that we are all guilty of keeping these same skeletons in our closets. As always, in my opinion, you are gifted beyond measure!
Martyr: Your entire verse was ILL. I've never read any of your material either, but I must say that I am extremely impressed. That being so, I quoted damn near your whole piece ...
home’s breeding ground, for a torn future of named idols; drawing crowdsno leaving town, they’re storm troopers with aimed rifles; all aroundwon’t see it now; I’m a born loser till lame cycles; stall in rounddon’t believe a sound; as the sworn future has the same idols; falling down
In such dreadful deep oceans, of a pristine gravel and dirt roadblood vessels keep floating, with sixteen paddles my verse rowssome special cheat coding, of the Sistine Chapel has turned grossthe thug never needs devotion, to live clean as still the hurt grows
doves cry in pain; big ones fell ill; to fevers moaning loudersun shines away; wind gusts felt chill; to leaner, broken flowersgun violence play; thin blood cells spill; in liters flowing outwardslove tries to hate; kids puff Ls killed; the preacher’s doped with downers
There is so much distress trapped between these lines of yours, that is almost impossible to escape it. It's like stepping right into the shoes of one who as witnessed nothing but a life of hopeless despair. You are a very talented writer ... You all are, and this collab solidly proves it!
Peace and props to you all!!!
damn this is a good read I'll read it a few more time before I post my opinion
...:) thanks all... i means very much to me and i know it means alot to PSY and EF we put a few weeks into this piece... thanks again for the indepth feedback from all of you, i even like utruns response because the way he stated it was original... thanks again...
no doubt... as always, i really appreciate the thoughtful comments and positive feedback, i feel that it turned out very well... Martyr and Elusive are talented artists.. they brought nothin' but genuinely honest reality to the table, and i give them the utmost respect for it...
PEACE
PSY
Word... This is my first collab and I'm blessed to have been asked to assist writers of Martyr & Psy's calibre. Personally, it was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. Doing this I had to dig crazy deep to find a source of strength to focus the emotion that went into this verse...Love it or hate it this shit is real... A heartfelt thankyou to everyone who took time to really read this piece, especially those who posted feedback. Please keep it coming
ONE LOVE
up
--- solid bridges by everyone, just wanted to note that
--- each verse holds it own, unique in their own rights
Elusive:
comes off with a poetic structure, which complements Psy and Martyr’s structures and descriptive lines I’m so accustomed to reading verses the ‘usual’ way, so this was a breath of fresh air and was impressive…should be interesting to read more in the future
Highlights:
the ground implodes, unholy crossroads where lucifer plundered,
one hundred souls, pillaged victims from the entire fold
of my family's unflowered members... the bell tolled, cold
insidious agendas of creatures, with vile features,
wallowing in wanton transgression, this true story's a survivors confession
intravenous infection decimated a whole line of generational succession
erect involuntary emotional wall, neither to feel, nor see, nor recall
that horrific hour, sourest still the serpents smirk that seals this sinful silence,
tattooed trail of tears mark each of the 10 seasons of torment,
Psy:
well, its Psy, I really don’t need to comment on anything here….I mean structurally is as solid as anything else he’s written….the multi’s, my god, I envy the skill…and the content, well also brilliant as mentioned in the highlights
Highlights:
god I've drowned your cults of celibacy, who've carried the seeds of warlords
an' my house is full of skeleton keys, they’re buried beneath the floorboards
our lure to sin: this closet’s full of bones, now open the door with infatuation
the door’s within, his honest lull of poems ‘ve broken a core in imagination
left heathens strangled we slay our brother, and if we fail, we rape his mother
so eden’s angels betrayed each other, and if we failed, we’ve made another
damn I’m dreamin’; they got control of my role, if a demon writes am I weak?
man, I’m bleedin’; I’ve got a hole in my soul, and it’s leakin’ life as I speak
frets with their fraud’s intelligence, elements taught, but your god’s irrelevant
yet, with an awkward elegance, skeletons walk in their chalked malevolence
and besides, mad demons were fuckin’ usin’ her, went ill with just the blame
so she’d cried, stabbed jesus in front of lucifer then killed him just the same
lies sustain innocence in spite of all the confusion, which is why I fight to feel
time decays vividness, if life is all an illusion I just tried to write what’s real
Martyr:
Complemented Psy’s verse and vice-versa….again, those damn multis….y’all already know where I stand on those…it read much like Psy’s in terms of the multis but with that….martyr-esque quality I can’t really describe, its just a feeling when I read his verses that signify ‘it as a Martyr verse’, that unique imagery only martyr can convey….probably just me
Highlights:
the eyes stuck on taste, they’re many buds that broke and come up tasteless
define love and hate, sparing petty lust and loathing love of hatred
In such dreadful deep oceans, of a pristine gravel and dirt road
blood vessels keep floating, with sixteen paddles my verse rows
some special cheat coding, of the Sistine Chapel has turned gross
the thug never needs devotion, to live clean as still the hurt grows
doves cry in pain; big ones fell ill; to fevers moaning louder
sun shines away; wind gusts felt chill; to leaner, broken flowers
uppin the best colab dropped on here
PEACE.... the feedback is appreciated...
each verse was beautiful. feelin a lot of the shit that was said.... some insane imagery in martyr's verse.... Psy's shit was pure illness as usual.. this collab inspired me to write some nice shit, heheh.... peace
PEACE... and thanks... cats are sleepin' on this, but that doesn't surprise me...