While a lot of you people apparently want to have sex with Miley you have no shot outside of rape. I on the other hand am a well dressed, courteous, chivalrous knight in a lax pinnie.
Why am I destined to get her?
I don't actually care. I'm not a fan. I think she's pretty but average looking. I think she's a woefully overrated artist. I hate Disney. I think the Jonas guy is a punk bitch. Not because he dated her, but because he's a punk bitch. Now for a while now I thought to myself "Boarz, you sexy mother fucker, you could do better." But today by happenstance I ended up flipping between Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and a special on E about the girl.
What do I find out? We're practically the same person. To a disturbing "God Wants Me to Bang You" level. Our relatives are quick to mention we sang the same song from Annie when we were little kids. What are the odds that "The Sun Will Come Out Tommorrow" would be our childhood jam? That our dogs have the same name.
There was more but its mind blowing nuclear bomb shit. So while you guys can beat it to Hannah Montana I'll be in there like swim wear. You know, riding horses and lying under the stars talking about helping orphans and shit.
Now I just need to meet her. If only to talk to my bros about how I long dicked her in a public bathroom on the baby changing station. And to meet her dad and ask him to grow out the mullet of destiny.
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