There is something that I did when I was younger that I feel so ashamed about. I've never told anyone about it and am not sure how to deal with it.
When I was 11 or 12, I used to sleep in my mom's bed when my dad was away (which was often because he worked in another city and only came home on weekends). My little sister who was 6 years younger than me would also sleep in the same bed with me and my mom. I remember I was discovering my body, discovering masturbation. One night, I wanted to masturbate and wanted to know what it was like to have someone else masturbate me. My little sister was sleeping. So I took her sleeping hand, and touched myself with it... I did this two nights in a row. As far as I could tell, she didn't wake.
I have such horrible feelings of guilt and I don't know what to do. I knew it was wrong at the time, so why did I do that?? We get along very well - I am closer to her than any other member of my family.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I was possibly abused by another girl when I was younger (there is a memory on the edge of my consciousness that I am unable to grasp). How do I know if that is the case? How do I know I'm not jsut 'creating' an idea of being abused to sort of explain that I abused my sister?
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