hey, thanks for the reply; I dunno, i guess it wasn't clear, but these are two entirely different cyphers...they are not part of the same song. They are simply from two different things I was thinking of.
hey, thanks for the reply; I dunno, i guess it wasn't clear, but these are two entirely different cyphers...they are not part of the same song. They are simply from two different things I was thinking of.
aight, here is some stuff i was working on in my psycology class (i got hella bored). I'm thinking about turning it into a song (ive got a beat in the works..stay tuned!).
Knocking on Lifes Door
With every minute that passes and every hour that goes by,
I struggle through my life and try to survive.
My legs are gettin' weaker, they bend and they buckle,
I'm stumblin' over myself, one foot bumpin' the other.
I've got hundreds of thoughts swimming through my brain,
but no mouth to express 'em, driving me insain.
There's a connection from my heart up to my mind,
but no link to my mouth, makin' me blind.
You assume my life is perfect just 'cause I'm white,
but sometimes behind the curtain there's a bloody fight.
I've got a will to survive call me Gloria Estaban,
Tryin' to change my life until <poof!> I'm gone!
Gasping for breath, I will continue,
knocking at lifes door, I want to get in to.
Turn the knob, enter, I'm in, I'm through,
Bringing my struggles straight to you.
My opponents and enimies aren't just those against me,
it's the fools who look away and are against society.
I'm not a stereotype, I've got individuality,
I'm against the norm, it's time for reality.
It's said that the peg that stand out is pounded down,
fool, contest to me, then we'll see who's in the ground.
I'm risin' up, planting new seeds,
the truth in todays youth to use against those who abuse.
It's time to take out the pen and highlight the truth,
and that's when class ended and I lost my train of thought. I'll try to pick it up later.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what I've done wrong and lemme know what you think!
peace
wow... the content is beautiful, it's universal everybody can relate to it. I wished you has more imagery like something that I can see in my mind straight from your words but I really like ya style
Strong content in the opening, liked this part. Like Aqueous said, practise keeping your imagery consistent throughout. This is a good draft, just go over it more & work on sharpening the message. Keep the ink flowin'With every minute that passes and every hour that goes by,
I struggle through my life and try to survive.
My legs are gettin' weaker, they bend and they buckle,
I'm stumblin' over myself, one foot bumpin' the other.
I've got hundreds of thoughts swimming through my brain,
but no mouth to express 'em, driving me insain.
There's a connection from my heart up to my mind,
but no link to my mouth, makin' me blind.
ONE LOVE
aqueous / elusive: thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated. I've been mulling over these thoughts for like a week but I've never really found a way to express them so I will definelty go back over them. Thanks again!
i've spent eternity trapped inside a cave, inside a hole,Originally Posted by proph3t
trying to find a way to express my inner soul
I wasn't born with this mic, I had to earn it,
I've spend years just learning how to use it,
I wasn't born with the silver spoon in my hand,
all I had was my mind, my pad, and my pin,
But for some reason the ink is dry, depleted,
like the rights of the citizens, gone, mistreated.
This isn't as good as it gets so stop actin' like jack nicholas,
open your eyes and ears; see the life for was it is.
Gasping for breath, I will continue,
knocking at lifes door, I want to get in to.
Turn the knob, enter, I'm in, I'm through,
Bringing my struggles straight to you.
I think that may be in..i dunno, might add more if I can think of anything else.
yo your elevateing rather nicely, stay up and keep blessin
My skills punish, you untill ya grills rubbish, make ya cry like peeled onions More electrifying. Then a eels touch is, got a girl thats real luscious Eat these rappers for real like sealed lunches More bad ass than a navy seals gun is
More fly then everybody that wields luggage
Im the beer clutchin career crushin fear nothin fierce one with...sheers cuttin blood spills gushin no need to worry bout the wounds cuz u wont heal from it
so sometimes the only thing you can do is grit your teeth and bear it,
don't try to wear it, sometimes it's too heavy to make it,
it's amazing how people can go through life so blind,
open your eyes, see the lies, let in the sunshine,
play with life's cards to the best of your ability,
versatility, it's your responsibility to decypher life and teach the younger how to stay alive,
take a dive, arrive at the knowledge tree, hang a hammock, use the heart,
start a mutiny, depart from society, be smart,
in this world nothin is safe, words miss and richochet,
so catch the pieces, put the puzzle back together,
out of place, uh, stormy weather,
out of mind, uh, light as a feather,
get it together its time for another cypher,
cartographer mappin' out the future for the young,
words sung comein' off your tongue until they get the message,
remove the camouflage see the underbrush, needle rush,
splender spike flush, song thrush,
brain gush, spillin' my guts for you to know what's what
ive got many cuts but no time for my mouth valve to shut
cause the aftermath ain't gonna be a bubble bath,
no straight path to the end, gotta improvise,
supprise, the fbi was unwise to overlook me, the wise,
commin' from the skies, hearin' the people's cries,
snake eyes, demise, this is then end,
apprehend the offenders, transcend into the light without a fight
sit tight, second sight, im commin at the speed of light,
in the name of the free, the few, the proud,
sing out loud, clear sky get rid of the clouds,
Last edited by proph3t; 02-16-2006 at 04:26 PM.
nothin'?...jeez, even if you don't like something, lemme now what I could do to improve it..
another notch
raise it up another notch if you still with me
power cypha kid, uh, take 50,
makin' history, that's what i want this to be,
you can't see me, my whereabouts is a mystery
mentally, im in this game with intent to be
the most consistent in the century,
Mr. Coolest aka The Truest
the fact that I'm still here proves this.
But yo, the forces be testin' me,
at time they be dpressin' me,
constantly stressin' me the lord must be blessin' me,
'cause see I'm still breathin'
doin' what I believe in
when others ain't achievin' now I'm gettin' even
But yo, they spittin' me,
dissin' and dislikin' me,
yesterday I took it lightly but today just might be
the day in which I loose it cause you got me confused with
the one who would be amused with the mockin' of my music
well homie, I don't play that, metke don't play that,
so watch what you say or you'll feel the payback
I broke my shit down into to sections
my whole crew commin' atcha in every direction
while some relieve tension I'm ready for my session
Yes indeed as I give you what you need
I dedicate this to me crew, I will proceed,
To bring the raw shit, off the wall shit,
it's proph3t an all yall need to forfeit,
so,
raise it up another notch if you're still there,
enter those, rest in peace, yo, we spill beer,
and in the name of you I drop nothin' but skills here
it's the second part of my rhyme, I get ill <yah!>
Once again watch me killah, uh, let it go,
I'm gunna have this whole industry go petro
so stop whatcha doin', cause I'mma 'bout to ruin
the image and the style thatcha used to
I'm locco, I hit you with low blow
I've got mad flow in case you don't know
So whuddup Kinko your nothin' but a carbon copy
stealing me rhymes to save you some time
but you might miss me, transform, don't see me
makin' history and yall will study me
I rock projects goin' out like 'Nam vets
my ill concepts do you like bomb threats.
cause I'm different and don't compare me to another,
cause they can't hang, word to your mother,
so
raise it up another notch for the 3rd time
and as usual I'm gonna spit the first rhyme
I'm gonna presume you bug when you heard mine
I'm a DJ emcee of the best kind
I'mma grace you with the grande finale
with lanes of lyrical paths than New York to Cali
I'll pull you down and shoot you in a ally
hit you with that shit, make you do a backflip
I'm not gonna fail I've got more to drop
the rest of yall really need to stop
I don't give a fuck you can call the cop
I'mma bring the heat 'cause I'm sorta ot
smokin', second hand smoke, got you chockin'
open, out in the streets, we're all loccin'
strong arm foods, but leave they legs brocken,
send 'em straight down to the pavement
in a state of amazement
time fly's by and you wonder where the day went
got 69 promoters callin' my agent
yo, I'm nice with mine, take a sip now, I'mma take twice this time
I write this ryhme, not because I like to shine,
but because I've flew with my crew since '99
keepin' it raw, that's how I got my foot in the door
never seen this before, I'mm freak this some more,
I'm packin' the heat cause soon I'mma attack the beast
commin' back from the streets to let you know
that the only thing on my mind is how to rock a show.
You have to improve on your style, keep working at it! Don't force you rhymes, it distorts your style.
Peace
PS: Keep up the good work!
Raped By This Bitch Called Life
i can see all my wrongs commin' back at me
both feet on the ground, stumblin', runnin' away from,
all the pain, all the stupid things ive done
look over my shoulder, here comes, bam,
takles my back, crack, it hits me smack on my head,
no im not dead just stranded by a thread,
im dangling, by a liddle strand of hope but i know that dope is no way to cope
with the fear that i face i know that i shouldn't mope
but its kinda hard when your life shatters before your eyes and you can't do shit about it
can't try to go back, turn back time, can't change the chime,
this bells tolled and before you know it lifes over,
kinda retarded, ive worked so hard to get where i am at
but its all been smashed flat by karma, uh, tit for tat,
hit by baseball bat home run, this balls outta here,
only im still trapped in lifes atmosphere,
so i drink a beer, thinking my head will clear,
but all that appear is a drop in my eye, a little tear,
it's now clear that i draw near to the end of my career,
crystal chadelier, looks like this is sincere,
that my heart, my life, has been peirced by this spear, goddamn, get me outta here,
i feel like ive just been raped by this bitch called life
like, nothing ive ever done has been right,
like, ive been in a fight for absolutely nothin'
throwin' punches for no cause no reason no nothin'
just, me alone, tryin' get get by,
makin' me short of breath just tryin' to survive
shoulders heavy, weak, too tired to lift
can't shake or shift, gone adrift,
i can't take the pain no more, i gotta get better,
gotta, shake the shackles, get rid of the fetter
i can't muster the power to get up from bed
i don't want to be awake 'cause all I see is my mistake
if i can only close my eyes forever i can drift away
head down, power through, get rid of this shit
shift gears, rearrange, time for change,
im full of rage but it's all caged up
like a lion, grr, its a lyrical beast,
stuck out in the wild, left to fend for himself,
but if i could only lower the bar and get even, even steven,
but the only thing i can do is do what i believe in,
and what i believe in is tryin' to get better,
no, im not gonna quit, im not a forfeiter,
and with the game on the line i know that it is time,
to stop the decline and take back what's mine.
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