Proof that I'm enlightened

[project tillogic]

“It is the internal struggles, when fought and won on their own, that yield the strongest rewards.” ~Darth Traya

[project tillogic]

“What we pretend to be we often become.” ~Darth Krayt

[project tillogic]

The voices have been with me now 8 years and my enlightenment got dropped but I got it back and think I'm getting back I just called up an old friend and it's like we never stopped talking ive known him maybe 7 years and he's in the biggest gang in the world we spent the apocalypse thing together you know the long count bullshit

[Baby Face Nelson]

Peace trilogic i hope u alright bro

[brock]

i dont think he was ever 'alright'

[project tillogic]

I wasn't doing good for awhile after I wrote this and ended up in the hospital a week I was really embarrassed feeling the way I did after writing all this cuz my life collapsed and shit and I was wondering if I would ever feel enlightened again all I had to do is take a break from all the dope and now I finally feel normal again that shit really fucks with my head if I over do it and I was definitely over doing it ;P

[project tillogic]

Peace trilogic i hope u alright bro

Thanks for thinking about me

i dont think he was ever 'alright'

Lol you may have a point ;P

[project tillogic]

But anyways the mental condition that threw me off that I am now recovered from is that I was doing too much dope for way too long and the voices got way out of control and we're talking non stop really negative shit the were fucking with me and my enlightenment went the fuck away and we're replaced by evil voices and I battled them really hard but the whole situation was fucked and over the weeks I was getting increasingly paranoid I was so ready to get a fucking exorcism cuz there was nothing I could do the voices at that time took enlightenment away and it sucked I felt so lost and so fucking possessed that's what it was like too it was like I kept on getting more and more possessed and there was nothing I could do. Eventually the paranoia and voices brought me to the fucking hospital and of course weekends don't count so I was there on a 72 hour hold plus the whole weekend. Well there was no dope there and I had them increase my risperadole injection and my time there felt like an exorcism cuz after being there the voices and paranoia went away and I felt like my normal self after that. Then I didn't do dope for a long time after that but I've been doing it tonight hehe I have to keep a very delicate balance no voices yet but I'm not going to do it very often my pay got cut in half for 2 fucking months so now all I can afford is my weekly supply of weed but I need dope to make my tight ass fucking music so I just gotta deal with it. I have a plan on getting a second opinion at this liberal fucking clinic somebody told me about and if it works I get back on adderall like I used to be but there are consequences for doing it cuz at times I gotta deal with voices because of it but that's the only way my musical magic works I can't fucking do it really at all without that shit and until I start doing alot of it again I'm going to keep on coming out with new songs as slowly as I have been talk about a fucking show stopper fuck I got one song ready to record, lyrics that reached page 5 plus another 3 pager so it's not like I haven't been working it's just that I'm slow as fuck when it comes to making music that's why the finalized versions of almost all 30 of my songs are all hits. I'm on day 4 now since I stopped watching TV and video games and started listening to my 30 almost none stop and I'm on day fucking 4 and every song still sounds as good as the first time and this made me realize holy shit I'm a fucking God shit. And damned proud of it too

[project tillogic]

“It is the internal struggles, when fought and won on their own, that yield the strongest rewards.” ~Darth Traya

[project tillogic]

I was fine and felt enlightened the entire time I was writing this fucking thread but at some point after this I got possessed or some shit and enlightenment went a way and I felt really embarrassed and didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything and I'm glad I was able to post this new shit in a normal state like before this state I felt really lost

[project tillogic]

If this isn't enlightenment it's the next best thing which is just as good

[project tillogic]

I'm literally fucked without my medication though I really am if there was no more medicine I would commit suicide cuz I'm really that fucking sick but with the meds I'm good at hiding it cuz sure I write alot and it can get crazy at times but to some damn fucker that met me on the street they would never ever know I had it unless I told them and everyone agrees on that

[project tillogic]

Speaking of schizophrenia and shit I've spoken that I don't like the Catholic Church a whole bunch of times and it's because the burnt the thousands of Christian books written in the time of christ to the point where what's left in the Bible is all that remains yeah I don't like that and the fact that they withheld technology and tortured people for 300 years yeah I don't like that but you know what I really don't like well back in the day they would have tortured my ass to death guaranteed and this shit isn't even my fault but I probably would have committed suicide before that if I go off my meds too long I get paranoid delusions really bad, the voices get really bad, and I no longer here what's on radio and television anymore I hear something completely different and it seems to be a product of intelligence but I've been saying that this schizophrenia shit is interdimensial but it's a place of death I would commit suicide if there were no beds I mean I'm way sicker than anyone realizes and I handle it like a fucking champ too if I feel enlightened already just imagine if I hadn't been born with this shit but then that wouldn't really be me would it

[project tillogic]

Has anyone ever wondered if all this bullshit in this thread caused the schizophrenia cuz I have and I didn't get it till I was 24 but nobody's ever going to be able to answer that but I'm still very fortunate and anyone who doesn't agree that I'm literally a fucking God has been listening to the dreaded old shitty versions of a bunch of my songs and have never listened to all 30 front to back cuz if you have never done that your never going to get the full experience or understand peace. And I'm probably good at rapping because of the whole alien thing like I said I've been abducted or atleast influenced by aliens you would know that if you read this shit and it would explain why intelligence wise I'm in the top 10 percent of the nation and I never exactly had to put in all the work to get that smart lol fucking aliens. Like some people put in the work to get good grades and I'm way smarter than them I never did fucking homework or tried I just read a whole fucking alot in my early life and fucked with computers and shit all the time I was hacking direct TV access cards at 15 and was one of the main dudes answering all the questions and keeping the cards up one time I got a message from the smartest moderator that knew how to write in assembly language and what he said was that I had managed to catch their attention and was doing a damn good job nobody back then could have told me that a 15 year old kid couldn't be a moderater cuz in truth that's what I was aiming for I kept so many damned people's cards running that I was considered a god in that scene. The forum we used had like 50 thousand active members and I was always keeping everyone running and shit I knew a couple card dealers outside the forum too that's how I first learned about this shit and I kept them up and running too for free equipment and cards. Anyways I was always smart enough that I could just skate by in life without having to do all the work I once took an online iq test and I scored 2 categories above average in the gifted catagorie I think it was genius or something that I could have easily obtained if I had put in all the work in school and shit but I never gave a fuck about it that's why rapping, writing, and being a radio personality are the only things I'm good at but I don't care about much else besides that so what's the fucking difference

[Baby Face Nelson]

Peace

Yeah it cant be easy being bombarded with voices. I have a paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis and the main catalyst for that was shroom truffles i ordered from holland. I dont hear voices but there was an instance where I smoked a spliff and heard a voice taking the piss out of me saying "yeah go to bed you woman worshipper!
But that was pretty much the only time.
I got diagnosed when i was 23 or 24

Im on paliperidone injections. I took shrooms because i thought it was have an impact spiritually and emotionally
Things got fucked up after taking it but theres still thoughts and feelings from that time that i hold on to and sort of cherish. May sound weird

I was seeking higher n nowadays i mainly wanna be free from this ongoing yearning i have for things. Women especially. I need to try the best methods to deal with these things and find peace