Vanilla Ice
In the showers
Vanilla ice (born
Kevin Federline) was born on January 25th, 1903 on the back of a tricycle. He recieved many
Nobel prizes in the early 90's for technological advancment in the field of flowing like a harpoon daily and nightly.
A little known fact about Vanilla is that no matter how many items of clothing he took off, he always remained fully dressed.
Contents
The Great Hundaugette Prison Years
In 1983, Mr. Ice was convicted with rocking mic's like a vandal, and sentenced to 48 life sentences. Normally he would be let off with nothing but a slap on the wrists, but he was in Texas at the time.
In his defence, Mr. Ice said "I was on a roll, it was time to go solo, i was just rollin' in a 5.0 with my rag top down, so my hair could blow." and later went on to add "i grabbed my 9, and all i heard were shells man, serious. Jumped in my car and slammed on the gas, bumper to bumper the avenue was packed. Next thing i know, Police was on the scene, y'know what i mean?"
Police say they closed in on Mr. Ice after passing him up a first, then confronting al the dope fiends, before one of the said dope fiends 'ratted' on Mr. Ice.
He was not the only Major rapper that year to go to prison, his close friend Snow was also convicted and charged with licking peoples bum bum's up and down.
"Brand New Invention"
Shortly after leaving prison, Mr. Ice started 'collaborating and listening', and suddenly "Ice" was back with a brand new Invention. This invention was a well learned trait from the beginnings of Vanilla Ice's math Career.
Unfortunately, he never patented the idea, and four years later the sitcom 'The Cosby Show' hit TV screens with an eerily similar tone to mr Ice's invention.
Seemingly on his way out of the high life, he rekindled his friendship with four giant sarcastic radioactive Kung Fu turtles, and continued his training.
"Pathological Liar"
Mr. Ice was diagnosed as being a pathalogical liar back in the early 90's, it unfortunately affected his musical output, as evidenced in his smash hit 'Ice Ice Baby'.
Examples include -
- "Turn off the lights, and I'll glow" (this was debunked on an episode of Mythbusters)
- "I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom" (although this is entirely possible, there are no reported cases or convictions. This is put down to the Police being lazy incompetent bastards)
- "I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon" (Ice is actually a practicing Rabbi, and thus has no idea what a pound of bacon even is)
- "I go crazy when I hear a cymbal" (it was a mild annoyance, but home boy never went bat shit or anything)
- "Anything less than the best is a felony" (this will only get you a police caution)
- "Othern DJs say Damn!" (yeah, like to get off the stage)
Other Appearances
Vanilla briefly took over Maury Povich's show whem Maury was off sick for a number of years. The show was critically acclaimed for Ice's ability to solve problems, while his DJ revolved it.
See Also
Categories:
Musicians Who Suck So Monumentally That It Really, Truly Amazes Me That The Earth And Any Surrounding Planets And Quite Possibly A Good Bit Of The Afterlife Have Not Yet Been Swallowed Entirely |
Biggest Fuck-Ups of All Time
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Originally Posted by Its Big Lu baby
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