Today I am free of my past. A past that brought about nothing but trouble and jealousy from friends who I thought were genuine. In 2000 I started having seizures at the age of 19 and to escape the reality of taking "pills" for the rest of my life(
), I started writing rhymes. Now I wasn't the type to keep a journal or go to a therapist. My therapy was to express my feelings by writing a rhyme with no structure. My raps were 3 pages long, I even rhymed a couple of my English Papers, which seems so childish now.
I loved being around my "friends" and recording how I felt about home, problems, world issues, the real day to day shit. I wasn't afraid to express and say what I truly felt, I just wanted the madness to seize. I was a bit unrealistic
. But my "friends" were just along for the ride. They never took it serious. This is where the word Loyalty comes into play.
Everyone has been burned by someone they think is their friend. Mine is no different. I mean "friends" support eachother through thick and thin. Not when they see that you are doing good. Friends should call when they just want to say "what's up", not when they need something. "Friends" should know when to be "Friends" not taught how to be "Friends."
See it's deeper than what i'm saying. To some it may seem as if I'm complaining about not getting enough attention from my friends or getting fucked over. Naw it's more than that. It's like I was around street dudes and I had forgotten that I had left that lifestyle, they didn't want to see me do good. Every time they faced a setback or adversity, they stopped being "Friends." Immortal Technique said this, "I don't project my insecurities on other people!" They should learn the meaning of that line. It's very simplistic yet extremely powerful.
I use to live in an apartment with my brother and my parents in Queens, NY. We moved to Delaware. Left for good. Bought a house. Big ass house. God willing, by early next year, I should be a business owner with my brother. I love NYC. But I realized the people of NY don't love me. Why am I holding on to NY for? What have I accomplished here? Why am I so LOYAL to NY, when it hasn't shown me any loyalty! Peep this: Only 2 of my friends have driven down from NY to come visit me since I have moved from NY. 3 of my other so called "Friends" came along because they got a ride, they didn't want to pay for the bus ride.
Loyalty. I drove up to NY on many occasions. Now I see they only want to use me because I got a nice ride. They want me to call out girls. HAHA. But let's just keep it to music. I started taking it serious because of the feedback I was getting within my community and from the people I was selling mixtapes to. I was a bit excited and then boom. My "friends" bailed on me. Where was the loyalty. I didn't know shit about recording or engineering.
But now I got my money together. I got my network game up. At first I was only getting production from my "Friends" who I swore had my back. My production is coming from the best producers, fuck a bond. I don't need friends, I need results. hahaha .But everyone is out for themselves in this game. Actually in this life.
Loyalty can take you so far. So I ask does it pay to be Loyal? I see assholes getting away with so much and they are far being loyal.
Anti-Society...August 14 2007
Bookmarks