beginner need comments

[cerberus]

Well im beginner and trying a new style



The fire melt the ice as I scramble ya like dices
At 17 years old I made me a reason
All was flying , motivated by negativity
Like gazes, the untouchables phases of my sentences
Will put ya in a hurry
My mind for my only Bling Bling
There is no hope, the mutations begins
By the fear the ennemy keep his slcerosis
For the most proud warrior of the Dark Side empire
Feeling the heat of the darkness for you its time
So take the coulour of the dark side empire
I will explore your kingdom of your fear in ya mind
The energy released make an attraction
A piece of all men the strengh control
Come join the dark rebellion

[Lil' Ruger]

i'll battle you what are teh rules?

[Bigot Hitman]

Duke asked for feedback, not a battle stupid

[Bigot Hitman]

Well im beginner and trying a new style



The fire melt the ice as I scramble ya like dices
At 17 years old I made me a reason
All was flying , motivated by negativity
Like gazes, the untouchables phases of my sentences
Will put ya in a hurry
My mind for my only Bling Bling
There is no hope, the mutations begins
By the fear the ennemy keep his slcerosis
For the most proud warrior of the Dark Side empire
Feeling the heat of the darkness for you its time
So take the coulour of the dark side empire
I will explore your kingdom of your fear in ya mind
The energy released make an attraction
A piece of all men the strengh control
Come join the dark rebellion

You could get away with this verse over a beat, if you know how to spit it right, but with how shifty the flow is, and the punchlines not really bein strong, this is just average for a battle verse. For a beginner good shit though. You can keep the flow like that but u gotta add more words that rhyme in with it.

[Lil' Ruger]

o i didnt even read the title....well why is this in here then?

[Bigot Hitman]

o i didnt even read the title....well why is this in here then?

Cuz duke is new, he don't know yet, y don't u skool him on it

[Lil' Ruger]

dont look like he here but i think he'll get the point when he come back here.

anyways...the verse didnt seem like it rhymed or flowed...maybe you just pronounce it a certain way but word wise and content wise it was good.

[cerberus]

thanks guys, sorry for had posted here. Maybe if i tell you that im from quebec, so i speak naturaly french can help you to consider my shitty beat lol , thanks anywayz