Suicide ! ! !

[Guarded By Martyrs]

if anybody has problems with depression I suggest some music u really really love....my choice was Return to the 36 Chambers....it makes me smile anytime...when Ol'Dirty (RIP) 'sings' SOOOOOOOOOOMEWHEREEEEEEE OVEEER THE RAINBOOOOOOW....that makes my day

This may sound strange but...
I think that certain people those who think of commiting suicide have a head start in life because they have faced their demons and were ready to kneel or give up..but they didn't.
I'm not talking about girls or clubs and bullshit like that I'm talking about what makes you happy.Don't get caught up in the speed of the world go at you'r own pace.

I belive music was my saving grace:
Wu-Tang,Holocaust,Canibus,Killah Priest,RZA,Canibus,Jedi Mind Tricks, even Eminem to name a few, it's like they felt my pain and I really connected with them.
And singers have a gift to Bette Midler,Wendy Rene,Otis Reading,Elvis ect...
I sometimes listen and really feel THEIR pain and think to myself
"Wow they got through the shit that they were going through so...so can I"

I also have have been depressed for about the last 3-4 years, not seing the point of life and have a couple of times thought about suicide but never really entertained it but I can see why people do it -
(I knew someone back in the day who hung himself)
I went to see a lady who REALLY helped me and gave me knowledge of self and the world I am living in for about 6 mounths and still keep in contact with her.She helped me find my passion which was Art especially drawing.
I also would recommend finding you'r passion - not just what you like doing but what you want to do with you'r life and what most importantly makes you smile, this is quite a scary question but if you are strong and belive in yourslef and belive in what you can do in your mind.
Just think in 100 years everyone on this planet will be dead don't cut you'r stay short.
PEACE.

[DR. NICK RIVIERA]

yeah I understand...

for the last year...I have passion for deep works...been reading some deep stuff (plus finding out that Lord of the Rings is maad deep), some poems, watching creative movies, listening to some of my fav. (Nas, Soundgarden, Metallica,..) and just trying to leave myself involved with creative stuff and supportive friends...

last year was a thing that shocked me that my friend (a girl, 1 year older) tried to killed herself (she lost her mother from cancer)...that day I helped her from not doing that and she was always more of positive and optimistic person than me...she's been helping me all these months (plus a few friends) that I really don't become 'a boy in a shell' again...

u gotta find something that makes u feel better and that makes u forget the most of bad things that go in life. that's it. that's the formula.

peace

[Guarded By Martyrs]

Yeah man, I think people (including me but not anymore) get too caught up in doing what the majority are doing: going to the pub, chasing birds, being a yob or fighting to prove you are tuff, terrrorizing people just to -
"be part of something" even some of my mates who have been doing that sort of shit for years & tears now come to me and say:
"I wish I could Be More Like You" Or "Hoew Do You Do It" and my answer ids always the same = I am not a sheep, I don't follow others just for the sake of it. I follow no one and do what I want to do, and if anyone dosn't like it well I pitty them they just haven't faced what they fear yet...and I have therefor I am stronger,wiser and belive in myself.
Now, I know A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SAY THAT ^^^^^^^
Like someone said before (can't remember who)
"What dosen't kill you, makes you stronger"

[RAMESH]

it's sad when people comit suicide but it is understandable.

[Dough Snatcher]

^I disagree...I feel as if "Under Certain Circumstances" its a selfish way to go out...

[DR. NICK RIVIERA]

Yeah man, I think people (including me but not anymore) get too caught up in doing what the majority are doing: going to the pub, chasing birds, being a yob or fighting to prove you are tuff, terrrorizing people just to -
"be part of something" even some of my mates who have been doing that sort of shit for years & tears now come to me and say:
"I wish I could Be More Like You" Or "Hoew Do You Do It" and my answer ids always the same = I am not a sheep, I don't follow others just for the sake of it. I follow no one and do what I want to do, and if anyone dosn't like it well I pitty them they just haven't faced what they fear yet...and I have therefor I am stronger,wiser and belive in myself.
Now, I know A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SAY THAT ^^^^^^^
Like someone said before (can't remember who)
"What dosen't kill you, makes you stronger"

I'm really of 'a myself person'...never was really a part of sumthin' cuz a few years back I really didn't have any friends (just sum random people I knew)....so I was always pushed out from groups...now, on a different school, I have met new people that became my friends...

back to sumtin' I wanted to say...I'm still facing my fears (I have few big and few small ones-claustrophobia, fear from heights, problems sometimes talking in person and watching in the eyes...)
hope I will someday overcome my fears...like Batman in BB

[RAMESH]

^I disagree...I feel as if "Under Certain Circumstances" its a selfish way to go out...

i also used to think so, my mother comited suicide many years ago & it fucked me up big time for many years it still does but she did what she wanted to do who is anyone to judge. we all in control of our own destiny if people think that death is better than life then so be it

[begongo]

"What dosen't kill you, makes you stronger"

I do have to disagree with that because it is sophistry in my opinion. Shit can happen to you that fucks you up heavy and the key word of proving that affirmation is wrong is TRAUMA. Trauma may never stop, just imagine getting raped ! Many women that got raped, developed a never-ending fear of men. They weren't killed, but did they get stronger ?
There's a lot of bad shit out there that can happen to you and affect you forever, and i think one of the hardest to endure is humiliation.
I used to think that "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" thing was real till i got to think about it deep

[CharlesJones]

I've thought about suicide a few times and the only reason i haven't done it is because i'm afraid of pain. If i could afford to buy a gun, i would've killed myself a long time ago. The reason i say that is because my brain is messed up and it's hard for me to figure things out and that's why i've never had a good paying job, i've never lived on my own, i've never bought a car. I went to see a psychiatrist several times to see what's wrong with my brain and the psychiatrist told me he thinks i have A.D.D. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some medication to take but i never took it because i don't believe that medication can make me figure things out so i can get a good job so i can take care of myself. My dad keeps pressuring me into getting a good job and i keep telling him it's not gonna happen anytime soon because my brain is fucked up. I told my dad yesterday i wanna go see a doctor and have a doctor run some tests on my brain to see what's wrong with me. My dad told me that a doctor is only gonna take my money and not tell me what i need to hear. That may be true but i need to see a doctor anyway because my brain hasn't been right for a long time and i'm gonna tell ya'll why.



I used to live with my grandparents for 8 years after i graduated from high school. I never had a good paying job while i stayed with them. I worked a lot of shitty low paying hard labor jobs through temp agencies. I got some credit cards and maxed them out and i had to file for bankruptcy because i couldn't pay the credit card bills because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents bought me 3 cars. One of them got stolen. The other 2 cars i don't have anymore. My grandmother died about 7 years ago and my grandfather put me out of his house 5 years ago because i couldn't keep a job and he got tired of me working low paying jobs. I never wanted to work for a low salary but because of the way my brain works, low paying jobs is the only jobs i can get and that upsets me because i wish my brain would allow me to figure things out so i can have a good paying job so i can have my own place and have a nice car. I used to catch the bus after my 3rd car broke down on me and i hated catching the bus especially in the winter. Cleveland has terrible weather in the wintertime. Right now i live with my parents and i wanna move outta their house soon because i'm tired of living with them and not having any privacy. Plus my dad and i don't get along. If it was just my mom and i living together, i wouldn't mind living with her because i love my mom more than my dad. My dad bitches too much to me about the situation i'm in and he doesn't like me watching a lot of tv. I like to watch tv a lot and that's why i need my own place so i can do what i wanna do. I know i'm gonna end up homeless eventually because if i wasn't living with my parents, i'd be on the streets and if that happens, i will definitely kill myself because i can't survive on the streets and in a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters are overcrowded and i don't wanna be around a bunch of smelly homeless people that have mental problems, drug addicts, alcoholics.

[Come Honor Face]

I've thought about suicide a few times and the only reason i haven't done it is because i'm afraid of pain. If i could afford to buy a gun, i would've killed myself a long time ago. The reason i say that is because my brain is messed up and it's hard for me to figure things out and that's why i've never had a good paying job, i've never lived on my own, i've never bought a car. I went to see a psychiatrist several times to see what's wrong with my brain and the psychiatrist told me he thinks i have A.D.D. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some medication to take but i never took it because i don't believe that medication can make me figure things out so i can get a good job so i can take care of myself. My dad keeps pressuring me into getting a good job and i keep telling him it's not gonna happen anytime soon because my brain is fucked up. I told my dad yesterday i wanna go see a doctor and have a doctor run some tests on my brain to see what's wrong with me. My dad told me that a doctor is only gonna take my money and not tell me what i need to hear. That may be true but i need to see a doctor anyway because my brain hasn't been right for a long time and i'm gonna tell ya'll why.



I used to live with my grandparents for 8 years after i graduated from high school. I never had a good paying job while i stayed with them. I worked a lot of shitty low paying hard labor jobs through temp agencies. I got some credit cards and maxed them out and i had to file for bankruptcy because i couldn't pay the credit card bills because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents bought me 3 cars. One of them got stolen. The other 2 cars i don't have anymore. My grandmother died about 7 years ago and my grandfather put me out of his house 5 years ago because i couldn't keep a job and he got tired of me working low paying jobs. I never wanted to work for a low salary but because of the way my brain works, low paying jobs is the only jobs i can get and that upsets me because i wish my brain would allow me to figure things out so i can have a good paying job so i can have my own place and have a nice car. I used to catch the bus after my 3rd car broke down on me and i hated catching the bus especially in the winter. Cleveland has terrible weather in the wintertime. Right now i live with my parents and i wanna move outta their house soon because i'm tired of living with them and not having any privacy. Plus my dad and i don't get along. If it was just my mom and i living together, i wouldn't mind living with her because i love my mom more than my dad. My dad bitches too much to me about the situation i'm in and he doesn't like me watching a lot of tv. I like to watch tv a lot and that's why i need my own place so i can do what i wanna do. I know i'm gonna end up homeless eventually because if i wasn't living with my parents, i'd be on the streets and if that happens, i will definitely kill myself because i can't survive on the streets and in a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters are overcrowded and i don't wanna be around a bunch of smelly homeless people that have mental problems, drug addicts, alcoholics.

Damn! You need to go talk to a shrink son! Not talkin shit, seriously. You said u would have killed yourself a long time ago if you could get a gun. They arent hard to get u know? You should really try and find tha cause for these feelings.

[J-Cee]

I've thought about suicide a few times and the only reason i haven't done it is because i'm afraid of pain. If i could afford to buy a gun, i would've killed myself a long time ago. The reason i say that is because my brain is messed up and it's hard for me to figure things out and that's why i've never had a good paying job, i've never lived on my own, i've never bought a car. I went to see a psychiatrist several times to see what's wrong with my brain and the psychiatrist told me he thinks i have A.D.D. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some medication to take but i never took it because i don't believe that medication can make me figure things out so i can get a good job so i can take care of myself. My dad keeps pressuring me into getting a good job and i keep telling him it's not gonna happen anytime soon because my brain is fucked up. I told my dad yesterday i wanna go see a doctor and have a doctor run some tests on my brain to see what's wrong with me. My dad told me that a doctor is only gonna take my money and not tell me what i need to hear. That may be true but i need to see a doctor anyway because my brain hasn't been right for a long time and i'm gonna tell ya'll why.



I used to live with my grandparents for 8 years after i graduated from high school. I never had a good paying job while i stayed with them. I worked a lot of shitty low paying hard labor jobs through temp agencies. I got some credit cards and maxed them out and i had to file for bankruptcy because i couldn't pay the credit card bills because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents bought me 3 cars. One of them got stolen. The other 2 cars i don't have anymore. My grandmother died about 7 years ago and my grandfather put me out of his house 5 years ago because i couldn't keep a job and he got tired of me working low paying jobs. I never wanted to work for a low salary but because of the way my brain works, low paying jobs is the only jobs i can get and that upsets me because i wish my brain would allow me to figure things out so i can have a good paying job so i can have my own place and have a nice car. I used to catch the bus after my 3rd car broke down on me and i hated catching the bus especially in the winter. Cleveland has terrible weather in the wintertime. Right now i live with my parents and i wanna move outta their house soon because i'm tired of living with them and not having any privacy. Plus my dad and i don't get along. If it was just my mom and i living together, i wouldn't mind living with her because i love my mom more than my dad. My dad bitches too much to me about the situation i'm in and he doesn't like me watching a lot of tv. I like to watch tv a lot and that's why i need my own place so i can do what i wanna do. I know i'm gonna end up homeless eventually because if i wasn't living with my parents, i'd be on the streets and if that happens, i will definitely kill myself because i can't survive on the streets and in a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters are overcrowded and i don't wanna be around a bunch of smelly homeless people that have mental problems, drug addicts, alcoholics.

i feel ya pain man,my head is also fucked up,ehe

[2L8Lit da croatianMC]

I've thought about suicide a few times and the only reason i haven't done it is because i'm afraid of pain. If i could afford to buy a gun, i would've killed myself a long time ago. The reason i say that is because my brain is messed up and it's hard for me to figure things out and that's why i've never had a good paying job, i've never lived on my own, i've never bought a car. I went to see a psychiatrist several times to see what's wrong with my brain and the psychiatrist told me he thinks i have A.D.D. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some medication to take but i never took it because i don't believe that medication can make me figure things out so i can get a good job so i can take care of myself. My dad keeps pressuring me into getting a good job and i keep telling him it's not gonna happen anytime soon because my brain is fucked up. I told my dad yesterday i wanna go see a doctor and have a doctor run some tests on my brain to see what's wrong with me. My dad told me that a doctor is only gonna take my money and not tell me what i need to hear. That may be true but i need to see a doctor anyway because my brain hasn't been right for a long time and i'm gonna tell ya'll why.



I used to live with my grandparents for 8 years after i graduated from high school. I never had a good paying job while i stayed with them. I worked a lot of shitty low paying hard labor jobs through temp agencies. I got some credit cards and maxed them out and i had to file for bankruptcy because i couldn't pay the credit card bills because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents bought me 3 cars. One of them got stolen. The other 2 cars i don't have anymore. My grandmother died about 7 years ago and my grandfather put me out of his house 5 years ago because i couldn't keep a job and he got tired of me working low paying jobs. I never wanted to work for a low salary but because of the way my brain works, low paying jobs is the only jobs i can get and that upsets me because i wish my brain would allow me to figure things out so i can have a good paying job so i can have my own place and have a nice car. I used to catch the bus after my 3rd car broke down on me and i hated catching the bus especially in the winter. Cleveland has terrible weather in the wintertime. Right now i live with my parents and i wanna move outta their house soon because i'm tired of living with them and not having any privacy. Plus my dad and i don't get along. If it was just my mom and i living together, i wouldn't mind living with her because i love my mom more than my dad. My dad bitches too much to me about the situation i'm in and he doesn't like me watching a lot of tv. I like to watch tv a lot and that's why i need my own place so i can do what i wanna do. I know i'm gonna end up homeless eventually because if i wasn't living with my parents, i'd be on the streets and if that happens, i will definitely kill myself because i can't survive on the streets and in a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters are overcrowded and i don't wanna be around a bunch of smelly homeless people that have mental problems, drug addicts, alcoholics.

Man, props 4 being this honest. I feel your pain, but dont give up. U gotta put some goals in your life, and if u really want it, add some time and effort to em, and u'll do what u want. I have some problems too...
I finished my 1 grade of high school normal, when the 2nd came, i started good, but i started skippin class alot, and I dont mean just skippin it by goin on a coffee or such, but i couldn make myself wake up, put my clothes on and go to school. I didnt know what was the problem. and when i went, i bought some weed, got high and went somewhere, anywhere but school. I didnt pass that year. I wanted to go in the same school,same grade the next year, which i did. And first few month were great but same shit happened again. I mean i want to be in school, but its like a different side of my brain turns on, and no one can make my ass go. I thought about that often, but i couldn figure out the fucking reason. ok, i failed to finish that grade too. So now im in another school, but it aint normal, or private school, it a late night scho9ol, i dont know the right word 4 it. Anyway, its very similiar to college. I get some scripits from the teachers, and when im ready i go to pass a test. ok, i did that, i passed the 1st year normally. I got into second, and muthafuck my brain, i couldnt make myself to pass either on test. I mean i learned English, i was ready to pass it, but whenever i needed to go, i didnt. I told my parents, I'll go another time. So this years I didnt pass no tests. Now I'll go to get my driver's licence tests. i needed to go 4 a pshicical exam for that before like 3 weeks ago, and i could make myself go until yesterday. I think its the same reasons, which i cant figure them out. So whenever I need to do something i fuck it up... I hope itl change...

[begongo]

yo i had my head really messed up too and i still have it ... i went to therapy in winter, i dunno if it helped ... but i think it did ... even though i still have the same problems, same rage, same shit on my mind and same confusion around ... but at least i found out i`m not really negative and all ... but i trusted the therapist you know ... i knew he was a good man and all that, he was working at a non-profit organization and he wasn't charging anything ... he did all the counseling for free ... he was really passionate about what he was doing that`s why i accepted to go there so i was kinda lucky even if i didn't solve anything
i wish ya luck with gaining your balance, hope i will get it someday too

[RAMESH]

I've thought about suicide a few times and the only reason i haven't done it is because i'm afraid of pain. If i could afford to buy a gun, i would've killed myself a long time ago. The reason i say that is because my brain is messed up and it's hard for me to figure things out and that's why i've never had a good paying job, i've never lived on my own, i've never bought a car. I went to see a psychiatrist several times to see what's wrong with my brain and the psychiatrist told me he thinks i have A.D.D. which is attention deficit disorder. He gave me some medication to take but i never took it because i don't believe that medication can make me figure things out so i can get a good job so i can take care of myself. My dad keeps pressuring me into getting a good job and i keep telling him it's not gonna happen anytime soon because my brain is fucked up. I told my dad yesterday i wanna go see a doctor and have a doctor run some tests on my brain to see what's wrong with me. My dad told me that a doctor is only gonna take my money and not tell me what i need to hear. That may be true but i need to see a doctor anyway because my brain hasn't been right for a long time and i'm gonna tell ya'll why.



I used to live with my grandparents for 8 years after i graduated from high school. I never had a good paying job while i stayed with them. I worked a lot of shitty low paying hard labor jobs through temp agencies. I got some credit cards and maxed them out and i had to file for bankruptcy because i couldn't pay the credit card bills because i couldn't keep a job. My grandparents bought me 3 cars. One of them got stolen. The other 2 cars i don't have anymore. My grandmother died about 7 years ago and my grandfather put me out of his house 5 years ago because i couldn't keep a job and he got tired of me working low paying jobs. I never wanted to work for a low salary but because of the way my brain works, low paying jobs is the only jobs i can get and that upsets me because i wish my brain would allow me to figure things out so i can have a good paying job so i can have my own place and have a nice car. I used to catch the bus after my 3rd car broke down on me and i hated catching the bus especially in the winter. Cleveland has terrible weather in the wintertime. Right now i live with my parents and i wanna move outta their house soon because i'm tired of living with them and not having any privacy. Plus my dad and i don't get along. If it was just my mom and i living together, i wouldn't mind living with her because i love my mom more than my dad. My dad bitches too much to me about the situation i'm in and he doesn't like me watching a lot of tv. I like to watch tv a lot and that's why i need my own place so i can do what i wanna do. I know i'm gonna end up homeless eventually because if i wasn't living with my parents, i'd be on the streets and if that happens, i will definitely kill myself because i can't survive on the streets and in a homeless shelter. Homeless shelters are overcrowded and i don't wanna be around a bunch of smelly homeless people that have mental problems, drug addicts, alcoholics.

charles what you need is a good women & maybe build on at the back of your grandparents house so you can have privacy. you did work in alot of companies so you got expierence in doing alot of things maybe you should start somthing on your own like a handyman services or even a house shop or a shabeen or all 3. working for a boss is not for you, you must sit down & think what you can do for yourself
you must findout if you can't get a disability grant for that a.d.d go see a doctor & try & get some imformation out of him, take the medication maybe you could claim from the goverment maybe you could also apply for low cost housing, you must find out what benifits your country can do for you. 1st find out what benefits you can get & then go see the doctor & make it sound worse than what it is

[CharlesJones]

I wouldn't mind working for myself but it's not gonna happen because i don't wanna be in charge of running a company. I don't have a lot of job experience except cleaning/janitorial work. That's the only type of work i'm good at and i don't like doing that type of work because it doesn't pay enough. Ramesh thanks for telling me about finding about low cost housing. I'm gonna look into that but i'm not trying to live in the ghetto. I wanna live in the suburbs and if i can't get a place in the suburbs, i'd rather die than live in the ghetto. Too much ignorance in the ghetto and i don't wanna be around ignorant blacks because i'm a positive person. I definitely need to be on my own because i would feel much better if i was living by myself because i can't stand my dad. It's hard for me to live with him because he complains too much about my situation and he's too negative. He curses too much and he yells when he gets upset and i'm tired of that shit. He behaves the same way when he gets upset with my mom and brother. He wakes my mom up every morning around 4am to talk to her about how much he hates his job, he talks to her about her job and i know she's gotta be tired of that because she can't get no sleep. I'm surprised my mom has been married to him for 31 years because if i was my mom, i would've divorced his ass a long time ago. He's a pain in the ass to deal with. When he dies, i'm not going to his funeral. My mom would probably force me to go but i don't wanna go because my dad and i have never had a good relationship. My dad told me he wants a closed casket when he dies. I think that's weird. Why would anybody want a closed casket at a funeral when they die?