<<<%%%6what131 Thread%%%>>>

[Father N Dangerous]

keep workin on it man, expand the vocab. stay up

[6what131]

i type this when i was faded and i am just realizing that it was wack

[GuardianOne]

i type this when i was faded and i am just realizing that it was wack

Well you mentioned it, but i thought you were expressing what you have noticed although i a different method (as this type of message has been repeated many times).

Peace

[6what131]

nonsense words substituded with the truth/ spotted blood on the left sleeve of a poloticians suit/ puzzels formed wit a wide variety of scatters clues/ confused, as five men sit in four corners of circled rooms/ watch there head spin/ grab the mic wit a death grip/ fuck a face snuff you in the cheek give you a head lift/ fell like the west did grab the smockin gun by the barrel/ kid-nap az-tac walk to eygpt jack a pharroe/ saddened by silence/ rap machine wit graphic violence/ i thought i was talking to god but then i saw his eyes lit/ underground alcoholic but its hard for me to hide it/ battery can sparked my lips electric finger tips/ battle chains, swords, horses death comes to all/ the sun falls, and the earths crust begins to melt/ simple tasks brushing teeth and seeing backwards helps/ i waana hang around but got no laces or a belt/

[noel411]

Seemed kinda rushed. If you cleaned it up a bit you might make a pretty nice verse of it. There were some good lines, but the flow seemed to fall off at times, but not dramatically. Parts of it could have been worded better. All in all a pretty decent verse, but could be better if you altered some parts of it. Keep at it.

[6what131]

gimme feed back.



the relationship of life and death continues to evolve/ minds revolve,around a puzzle that cant be solved/ life in its self,is an emergent quality/ this physical state, in which we are embodied/ perpetual development, exceeding rewards of monetary/under- value souls, that as humans we possess/ live like im rich, cause i live with out regrets/ but still the end of self is what i am obsessed/ a condition that alternates with life, coordinates the fright/ distortes your normal sight, your picture of the universe/ the natural cycle, the natural process of rebirth/ an act of operation that balances the earth/ ressurect a virgin birth, the 7th death the soul returns/ a very delicate process that can not be forged/ poison fruits, leaves, weeds, roses stemed with thorns/ defense system that warns the feeding of the devils pawns/ consumed by animals, losing human form/ healthy vegetation apples carrots lettuce corn/ fruits consumed by women, then the souls' reborn.

peace

[noel411]

Pretty nice piece. I had trouble picking up a flow because of the way you typed it up, but it was a pretty good read.

[GuardianOne]

Hey!!!!!!!!
Is this how you always wrote before, well you have improved a lot especially on your lyrical content. Which is good, here i noticed a lot of knowledge which was in this verse. And you placed it well, mostly when a verse has good content you seem to forget about the flow as you read through it.

Peace
PS: Maintain the good work.

[6what131]

peace gurdian and noel

[MASTER PAI MEI]

i like the metaphors you used...nice delivery too

PEaCE

[6what131]

just thoughts im wrting for a beat i got. tell me what ya think




verse 1:
im doper then heroin, flowin through a syringe/ i recruited my army from your local orfinage/ jump off a bridge, aimed for water and i missed/ face first to concrete but im currsed to live/ life is but a secound, in the eternity of time/ ive asked for gods help, but not heard a reply/ no man can feel the hurt i feel inside/ pain resides in my mind, the good and bad collide/ two pollar forces, pull in opposite directions/ thats why my rhymes seem to have a controdictive message/ positive and negative, held hostage and im wrestlin/ so i can brake free, to catch my secound wind/ i questions god exsistance, but i hope that he forgives/ and see the good inspite, how many times ive sinned/ never give up, i woulnt let the devil flourish/ cause deep down in me theres really a good persons


verse2:
infinitly engraved within the earths surface/ my rhymes engage, countinuosly serve purpose/ my hand is a breeding ground, evolving five surpants/ transformation, unseen behind the curtains/ my minds split between, in the river walking moses/ ideas revolt, like the jewish did the romans/ been through it all, but this summers been the coldest/ on the chess board, expendable part a soilder/


imma finish the secound verse tommarow cause im damb tired

peace

[GuardianOne]

Its a nice verse, the start was on a different lyrical context, but the later on in the first verse it improved on the content, It seemed to be a kind of verse that was searching! I don't know?]

Peace
PS: Keep posting

[noel411]

That was good man. Both verses are nice. Flow seemed to be on point, lyrically content was good. Keep at it.

[6what131]

infinitly engraved within the earths surface/ my rhymes engage, countinuosly serve purpose/ my hand is a breeding ground, evolving five surpants/ transformation, unseen behind the curtains/ my minds split between, in the red sea walking moses/ ideas revolt, like the jewish did the romans/the coldest ice, penetration rhyme rockets/ the frozen river of knowledge that flows through the metropolis/ the mind raped tri-state cant pick up on the obvious/ ominous comprised components, compacted compounds/ boxed gem stones, scavenged from hollowed swamp grounds/ plotted precise routes, trails covered up by dust/ geneticlly constructed, the truth may lie beneath us/ who knows maybe i was cloned from the blood of jesus/ regurgetated facts, rappers develop fatal sickness/ for picking through my poisoned fruits of thought and intuitions/

[tha god concept]

yo that shit was tight homie