Soul Survivor
Verse one
You were the grain nowhere to be found so i complained
a few calls over the years couldn't harbor the pain
the cash you sent never came adolescent years filled with rain
Grey clouds on sunny days i dreamed of applauds on stage
Dreams of anger, and rage my conscious in a cage
Nightmares of mothers blowing deadbeat dads away
What happened yesterday affects adults today
No peace from God still i continued to prey
Dome filled with sweat dripping wet
Talking with mom she said lay the hate to rest
Or end up just as he did a victim to his demons
Some sons became bums, or addicts on blocks fiending
to become Justice system suckers on probation drug screenings
or lifers small change slaves zombies out the grave
Used to think it was cool to brag about how much i blazed
or how many women i played i realized these were his ways
I inherited crooked genes copying actors on tv screens
He walked by i saw my own eyes the pain was extreme
Survivor of an unfortunate upbringing of drinking and drug slinging
Soul damaged still i managed to succeed instead of being stuck on dreaming
verse two
Come to find out the man i used to give change knew my name was strange
Same dude i used to sell jums to when i was slinging cocaine
even wifey said we had similarities i told her to watch her mouth
To come to find out this dude was my father
made me break a wall in the house
With a hammer in the backyard busting shots releasing steam
Embarrassed i made a promised to positively raise my seeds
screaming curses my son ran in the room and watched
I picked him up and took a walk on the block
Showed him the fiends, winos, dealers, and killers
Explained the outcomes of what each one has become
I was so happy that night i walked alone with no gun
I'm done grieving still giving that begging man change
The whole time it was like i was feeling his pain
a part of me became free when i embraced change
Last verse
When the man on that corner died i went to his funeral
And broke down in tears using the urinal
It tore a hole in my soul still here today
Talked it out with family instead of hiding it away
Driving home my kids ran up eager to play
So i did and felt better still i cried
This morning a part of me died
And i realized i have to lead a better life
Stay committed to my wife
Your not going nowhere being a badboy for life
Came to grips with God the hard heart softened
I felt like an orphan looking at a stranger in a coffin
Everybody watching nobody talking
Left his kids nothing he was a failure i thought often
Shopping for clothes mind full of flows
Be the best i can be you never know when it's time to go
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