New one from me, tell if u like it or not please.

[Critical Damage]

We all gonna die, sorry but only one way for 7 billion people
Believe me, ya'll ain't got a lotta time, waste it responsibly
Don't ask yoself why is it made like dat, don't go to a bar asking for wiskey - tripple
Do something for others, now that's important, be kind to every living being

I just can't understand why I AM like that, still the system kills me
Country is a hella big jail, most of us just can't see that G
But try get outta here without identefication - than u'll see
Shit is fucked up, everybody's cruel to me and to others, shit...

Number one problem? Racism goes here, look people:
How many millions killed just for another skin color
Absolutely crazy shit if u ask me, it is NOT right ya here?
Be logical fuckas, they are people like u, like me, killing them ain't leads nowhere

Be smart and don't act stupid, u'll do OK then
I say that cause I am like that, and everything is cool man
Are u really gonna spend 5 years in jail for robing someone?
It's really stupid, it's not worth it, better find a job and get it done

And don't rhyme to show how cool u are, have a look on me
I do it to educate, dat's the right way, or tell 'bout yourself,
Something like that will do, yeah.Just don't fuck up, and don't tell shit
Don't beef, u surely don't need ur life to end so fast

Finished here, CD straight for ya, education style
Hope u love it, leave a comment, tell what u feel
I need it as air, just to upgrade myself
Knowing that people get it - like wearing a bulletproof vest.

[Critical Damage]

I would appreciate any opinion, thanks

[Critical Damage]

And another one:

I luv money, I would love to get 'em
And who wouldn't?Thing is u can't eat just jam
U need some bread too - dat's what I'm talkin bout
And ya'll know what I mean, love and shit, no doubt

I wanna say "Be happy!", but some just can't
They are just bitching 'bout how bad is life, too loud...
I'm not one of them who say "I haven't seen my mom man"
I've seen my mother, farther and even granny - I've seen 'em all
I'm lucky, dat's the way I am bro

Still you ain't like me - I ain't like u, I ain't no G
I'm just a man, and pain in their ass, cuz I rap betta, don't try to shit on me
I'm a man who want a kid or two to make them happy
Just been made up like that, happiness and rappin'...

Told u 'bout two things important for me, but what's important for u?
Money ain't the right answer son, not everything has price, true
Example - u can't buy love for money, only sex,
Can't buy friends, only enemies - choose yourself next

People are just like money, they can go, they can be spent
They can help in a fuckin lot of cases, even paying the rent
But they can give u things u won't get from money - love
Also talk, good time, and can help u to live right

Now I told ya some important shit, think yo self now, awite?
Tell me now what's bad - what's not, and what are money about
After dat gimme a rest, I'll present u some more stuff, bored?
Then have some good time too, give ur mind a rest, word.

[Critical Damage]

C'mon guys...I want some critics

[Poetic Wun]

is this like a freestyle... like rap or more poetry prosey type stuff?

[Critical Damage]

well I haven't got ur question correctly, but first one has been done in 30 mins, second in 5, so say yourself

[Poetic Wun]

well from my view it reads like these rhymes have a free style feel to them (not to be confused with a freestyle)... like spoken word of the sort or like you just let the pen go free na'mean? i like your consciousness. you speak your message and there are some points i can relate to cause i knew some lame kids that took the "cool" route so you mos def get props for your awareness. it's nice to see someone that isnt afraid to say shit like "be happy". respect.

however... lol... i think you could definitely work on diction. articulation n such. tho you speak relative, your rhymes come off 1 dimensional. i think your strongest lines were the first in the second freestie about the bread... incorporate more wit and things of that nature. keep the (in this case) reader interested. trust me, im not hating, but nobody wants to be preached to... however if you gave your rhymes more flare than just straight forwardedness, you can pull it off nicely. id say that wordplay is your weakest point, but i'm sure you can improve on that i have no doubt.

overall i think you got some good work here and your on the right track. keep at it and keep with the messages. hip hop could def use some more of that.
look forward to more shit from you fam.

[Critical Damage]

Yeah thanks, I'll think 'bout it, word.Just I'm practising in English, living in Moscow...not so easy to know the language, still I try

[Poetic Wun]

oh word, didnt know that, kinda makes it all a lil more relative. but still i definitely wouldn't change what your speakin about.

[Critical Damage]

Tomorrow gonna try to make something better...spend some hours with a pen.
Oh yeah and these were my second and third on english btw

[Mantra]

Your on point with the topics i like what you're saying.
Can't quite follow the flow, it seems like poetry though.

[Critical Damage]

Well got to record it for ya'll to feel the flow...hope I'll have some time for it

[Guarded By Martyrs]

I'm feeling your style a lot, real different which is great.
I like the people/money part the most, great concepts.

[Critical Damage]

Thanks!
Been workin' on some dope lyrics, but really, they ain't serious, just dope rhymes.So gotta make something more interesting now...

[Critical Damage]

Ok please check out Version 2, and holla back


We all gonna die, sorry but only one way for 7 billion people
Believe me, ya'll ain't got a lotta time, spend it responsibly
Don't ask yoself why is it made like dat, cuz there is just no answer
Do something for others, it'll be a great and probably best option

Everybody just can't understand why I AM like that, so the system kills me
Country is a hella big jail, most of us just can't see that
But try get outta here without identefication - than u'll see
World is fucked up, everybody's cruel to me and to others, shit...

Number one problem? Racism goes here, look people:
How many millions killed just for another skin color, feel me?
Absolutely crazy shit if u ask me, it is NOT right ya'll here?
Be logical fuckas, they are people like u, like me, killing them ain't leads nowhere

Be smart and don't act stupid, u'll do OK then
I say that cuz I am like that, and everything is cool man
Are u really gonna spend 5 years in jail for robing someone?
It's really stupid, it's not worth it, better find a job and get it done

And don't rhyme to show how cool u are, have a look on me
I do it to educate, dat's the right way, or tell 'bout u as it is
Something like that will do, yeah.Just don't fuck up, and don't tell shit
Don't beef, u don't need your life to end that short cer-tain-ly (hope u got me on this one)

Finished here, CD straight for ya, educational style
Love it, leave a comment, tell what u fell 'bout
I need it as air, just to upgrade myself
Knowing that people get is just like wearing a bulletproof vest.