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You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: i can't type very fast
Stranger: it's ok
You: you'll have to excuse me if i'm slow
Stranger: It's fine =]
You: how are you?
Stranger: Miserable. You?
You: me too
You: i lost my drugs tonight
Stranger: haha i love someone who isn't my boyfriend
You: who is he?
Stranger: scratch that ... i'm IN love with someone who isn't my boyfriend ... as in ... i have a boyfriend and i'm in love with another guy.
You: it's not his best friend is it?#
Stranger: a fucking amazing dude who's in one of my classes
Stranger: nope
Stranger: he doesn't even know this guy, just knows of him
You: what makes him amazing?
Stranger: cute, funny, smart, amazing artist, writer
Stranger: i feel like i've been kicked in the chest
You: how long have you known them both?
Stranger: i've known my boyfriend for about 3 years and dated him for about 2 and new guy i've known for about a year
You: is the honeymoon period over?
Stranger: yes the hell it is
You: it sounds like the 3 year itch
Stranger: we're way too comfortable. all he does he eat what i make him for dinner and goes to sleep
You: it happens to many people
You: sounds like you've both lost interest in each other
Stranger: i thought so and for some reason i'm perfectly ok with that
You: really? why?
Stranger: I wish I knew. It just doesn't bother me anymore
You: do you live together?
Stranger: Nope. He wants to but I think we're too young right now (19 and 20)
You: do you guys talk about the future together?
You: i meant A future together
Stranger: All the time. In the beginning I loved it but now it drives me crazy
You: when did you start feeling like you don't care about him anymore? before or after this new guy?
Stranger: Before
You: why don't you break it off with him if you don't care about him anymore?
You: why stay with him?
Stranger: It's not that I don't care about it him... I'm just not in love with him. I haven't broken up with him because I know what it'd do to him ... or at least he says that me leaving him would mess him up
You: so, you're gonna stay with him like this forever?
Stranger: No, just until I grow a backbone
You: is this new guy interested in you?
Stranger: I showed signs on interest but kind of backed off when he found out i had a boyfriend
You: how did that make you feel?
Stranger: Him being interested or him backing off?
You: both
Stranger: I was and still am way too happy at the thought of us being together than I should be
You: what do you want to do about it?
Stranger: I want him to know that the feelings are mutual but ... I just can't do it.
You: how do you think he'd react to that?
Stranger: My greatest fear is that it would scare him off.
You: does being single scare you?
Stranger: Not at all.
You: do you feel that your bf is still in love with you?
Stranger: He says it but lately his actions aren't showing it
You: could there be a reason for this?
Stranger: I have no idea.
You: have you talked to him about it?
Stranger: yes and every time he says he's sorry and he can't help it (his sleeping every.time.we're.together)
You: does he work unsociable hours?
Stranger: 4 am to 12:30pm and then he sleeps either too much which results in him sleeping even more or he'll wake up after 2 or 3 hours of sleep, call me, fall asleep on the phone after 10 minutes of conversation, I'll hang up, he'll call back say sorry, fall asleep again, I hang up again, he calls again ... you get the idea
You: how much time do you two spend together per week?
Stranger: we hang out 3 days a week and those days I always end up watching him sleep on my couch
Stranger: and if it's not on the couch it's in the movie theater, or in the car on the way home.....
Stranger: most of the conversation we have is thru text
You: has it been like this from the start?
Stranger: Nope.
You: when did he start his job working unsociable hours?
Stranger: Maybe a year ago.
You: so this problem started when he got this job?
Stranger: Yep
You: it's hard to get a job these days. could he find another one?
Stranger: He doesn't want another one.
You: is it a full-time job?
Stranger: Yes.
You: well, if he doesn't want a different job, then you'll just have to live with the way things are, i suupose. do you still love him?
Stranger: No but I care about him
You: do you think that's a good enough reason to stay with someone?
Stranger: Guess not
You: what do you think you should do?
Stranger: I don't know.
You: do you think you have resentment towards your bf?
Stranger: Yes. I'm 20 and in college and I feel like I should be able to experience that now but I can't because everything I do it has to involve him.
You: how do you think it can be resolved?
Stranger: Not with him.
You: is staying with him worth losing your youth, in a sense?
Stranger: Not at all.
Stranger: I feel like I a 40-something year old house wife
You: do you think you should take steps to change that?
Stranger: like what? besides breaking up.
You: maybe write a letter to explain your feelings to him
You: in hope that he'll consider changing his job
Stranger: probably won't
You: with letters, you get a chance to read what you've said and edit
You: it also gives him a chance to read everything, maybe not all at once, but he will get to the end eventually
You: what is his job anyways?
Stranger: he works the nightshift at the supermarket
You: what are his reasons for wanting to stay in that job? other than because there's a recession and jobs are scarce
Stranger: money, obviously. he sticks around because he's hoping to get a managers spot
You: you said earlier that everything you do has to involve him. why?
Stranger: he doesn't want me to have guy friends, he guilts me out of going to parties....most of the time i spend with someone else is with him
You: do you have girl friends?
Stranger: not best friends
You: but do you socialize with them?
Stranger: not really
You: why not?
Stranger: don't know
You: do they make you feel uncomfortable for any reason?
Stranger: no
You: do you have a lot of guy friends?
Stranger: a few
You: why not make more time for females? they are the ones who will understand what other females go through, and share stories, make you feel like you're not alone
Stranger: I am alone. Trust me.
You: what do you get from guy friends that you can't from girl friends?
You: can't GET from girl friends?
Stranger: Mostly no bullshitting ... I just get along better with guys I guess
You: do you think that all females are the same?
Stranger: no
You: if you get bullshit from a female then try another female
You: how old are your friends, roughly??
Stranger: 21-24
You: i understand that some females are hostile towards other females for no apparent reason, but there are good women out there
You: and i understand that females will stab others in the back, that's when you have to step away and find another
Stranger: I shouldn't have to search for a good female friend. I have really goods friends and all of them just happen to be men.
You: do you flirt with any of them? do they flirt with you?
Stranger: One does but he just has that type of personality
You: do they have gf you could hang out with?
Stranger: Nope
You: well, that's great if it works but not so great when it doesn't
You: do you have family, like sisters or cousins nearby?
Stranger: Sister's busy with her fiance and new baby
Stranger: cousins are crazy skanks so I try not to be around then too much
You: that's not good
You: you're right to stay away from skanks
You: is there any 'history' between you and any of your guy friends? maybe your bf is worried about that
Stranger: None. My boyfried is the one with "history" with other females. He talked to one behind my back a few months ago. He even went as far as putting her number in his phone under a male's name.
You: that's not good
You: how did you find out?
Stranger: He can't lie for shit. He'd get a text and say "oh, it's my friend James for work. see?" and then he'd show me the phone so I knew something wasn't right
You: do you think there is something going on between him and this friend of his?#
Stranger: I don't even know.
You: if there is, would you leave him then?
Stranger: yes
You: has he been acting strange lately?
Stranger: I can't tell. All he does is sleep lately.
You: does he have it in him to cheat?
Stranger: i really don't know
You: does he live on his own?
You: does he have the opportunity to cheat when you think he's sleeping?
Stranger: with his parents
Stranger: I doubt it
You: does he know your guy friends well?
Stranger: no
You: have you known your friends longer or your bf longer?
Stranger: bf about a year longer
You: is natural for him to worry. if you'd known your friends longer then he'd have to have dealt with it when you met him.
You: it's hard for him to think that these guy friends could take you away from him
You: but if he knows there's absolutely no chance of that happening, it might be a different story
Stranger: so instead he just sleeeeps and sleeps and sleeps and dismisses me or just says "i'm sorry" if I tell him i'm miserable ... like I just did now
You: on one hand some guys say sorry and just forget about it and go do the same thing again
Stranger: which is what he does
You: on the other hand there are guys who will not ever say sorry even if they know they're in the wrong
You: what is it that you want from your bf? more attention? more affection? what?
Stranger: Attention. I don't want other guys to make me feel more wanted than my own boyfriend does.
You: that's gonna be hard if he stays in his job
You: can't he change his shifts?
Stranger: nope
You: do you see yourself living like you are in 5 - 10 years time?
Stranger: Not at all
You: you don't love him anymore, you can't see a future with him. why do you stay with him?
Stranger: We've talked about what would happen if we broke up and he claims that it'd mess him up for a really long time and I don't want to see him like that.
You: ending a relationship always mess things up for one partner if not both
You: rarely do relationships end amicably
You: are you staying for his sake?
Stranger: Yes
You: that won't do him any favours in the long run
You: your resentment towards him will just grow
You: in this case, i think you have to be cruel to be kind
Stranger: and now he's just silent.
You: is he with you?
Stranger: Nooo on the phone.
You: what about taking a break from each other?
You: sometimes absence can make the heart grow fonder
Stranger: hm
You: but other times, you'll find that you're free of your ball and chain
You: on one hand he might make him think about what he's losing
Stranger: true
You: do you think you could fall in love with him again if he made more time for you?
Stranger: i have no idea
You: perhaps you should give it a try
You: then you'll have time to sort out your own feelings towards him too
Stranger: and possibly try not to think about the other guy all the time
You: well, the grass always looks greener on the other side.
You: it may not always be the case
You: if you do break up with your bf, try not to get into a rebound relationship
You: if this other guy is worth it, you could wait a while
You: if he thinks you're worth it, he would want to wait too
You: well, he wouldn't mind waiting for you
Stranger: I've also been seriously considering telling him how I feel but that'd be bad ... right
You: yeah, only because you're in a relationship right now
Stranger: crap
You: take a break, then you and your bf both have time to look at your relationship from a different perspective
You: if you both decide that you want to be together after that, then you should try to set up new ground rules with each other
You: but if things go back to the way they were, then you'll have to decide whether you want it
You: if you do take a break, then it will soften the blow of losing you if you decide not to go back to him
You: maybe
You: i don't know what kind of person your bf is
You: but he wouldn't commit suicide or anything would he?
Stranger: a ... sleepy one
Stranger: He said he would once but I doubt it
Stranger: He'd most likely go back to drinking, drugs, and smoking ... heavily..... again
You: i say take a break
You: if your relationship is strong then it wouldn't harm your relationship
You: you should both agree on roughly how long
You: if you need more time then you should communicate that to him
You: if he's not awake to hear it then text it
You: you have to make some sort of decision soon
You: you'll go nuts otherwise, and probably drive him nuts too
Stranger: i'm already nuts
You: if all you want to talk about is how bad the relationship is going, and he can't do anything to change it, then all he can do is say sorry, really
You: it would drive me nuts
You: not saying it's all your fault
Stranger: I've brought it up maybe ... 3 times in the past year.
You: does he have a problem with the way things are?
Stranger: apparently he's fine with it
You: then he doesn't feel the need for anything to change. how much longer are you going to suffer?
Stranger: I don't know, let me think about it for a second ...
You: take a break and make him think about what he's losing if things don't change
You: you need things to change, right?
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Originally Posted by Tectrus Moa
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