Poisonous Rebels Biological Weapon Thread

[Claustrofobic]

Aight this is the first lines I've ever wrote down, this afternoon, please give some feedback

"Aight lets do this for real, the way im comin' through
I can't be chopped or stopped by any one of you
I'm the last person you expected to fuck up your speakers
But I'm here for good now like K-Swiss sneakers
or high-schooled teachers and religious-type preachers
I ain't sweatin competition cuz I leave the mothafucka's speechless
With venemous rhymes that I design for your mind
to leave your head fucked up in the dimensions of time"

remember, first shits ever, waitin for feedback, peace

[proph3t]

personally, i liked it. really, it flows nice plus i really liked the "With venemous rhymes that I design for your mind" line. keep it up dude.

[the funky drunk]

was short n sweet , pretty good for ya first bars , aint no multi's in there , but a good effort all the same . nice shit keep it up

[Claustrofobic]

Yo I went off with that shit I started off with a few days ago, this is what I got now:

"Aight lets do this for real, the way im comin' through
I'm too complicated to be cut off by any one of you
I'm the last person you expected to be fuckin' up your speakers
But guess what I'm here for good now like K-Swiss sneakers
or high-schooled teachers
and religious-type preachers
I ain't sweatin competition I leave the mothafucka's speechless
With venemous rhymes that I design for your mind
to leave your head fucked up in the dimensions of time
Oh shit I started off too quik?
Betta switch it up to that nice & smooth shit
FUCK THAT if you ain't feelin' this you must be deaf
Im creating philosophy's while other be losing their breath's
running from cops ducking from shots tryin' to hold to all they got
People bein' born with disadvantages into this world
Tryin' to make their way to all the glammers glitters and pearls
Too many people not givin' a fuck about the poor
So see this a message distributed from the core"

what yall think?

[Claustrofobic]

No feedback? Anyone?

[Claustrofobic]

Give me feeback yo

[BlaK FuRYaN]

Sup poison, I think it was pretty basic, you could be more creative tho.
I dont think your trying hard enough to enlighten the minds of over lyricists in here...
streatch the vocab abit... read some knowledge and add it in...
put more work in you feel me...

peace

[Claustrofobic]

I see what you're sayin man but its hard you kno I don't normally speak english, my mum's scottish so that helps, but I guess if I were fluent in the english language I would rip it up with big-ass words lol

MORE FEEDBACK PLEASE!

[Claustrofobic]

who wont anyone give me feedback jeez, so many views, if u drop by to look just give a quik heads up of what u think its much appreciated comon now

[Aclikyano]

HIT UP da CYPHAZ POISONESS!.